telenobela

donsol sorsogon

2007-07-01T14:15:00.000+08:00

donsol is a beautiful place and i'm really happy that my plans with rax pushed through! but i almost ended up going by myself coz rax and russell almost didn't make it to the airport in time! say what?! rax thought the flight was an hour later and when they found out that i was at the airport already they rushed to get there :) haha luckily they texted their record locator numbers and the people at the check-in counter accepted it! they were given the last 2 seats on the plane!!! thanks to the cebpac people who were kind enough to accommodate us!

so onto the whaleshark watching...or should i say hunting?! since we were going to see them in their natural habitat, we had to get a boat and the boatmen would be on the look-out for these huge creatures! which was an experience in itself! coz other encounters i've had with animals, they were in zoos or in parks. so the animals are right there ready and waiting for you! not this time, there's was a lot of waiting and it was a hit or miss...you had to have luck on your side :)

the first morning we saw a tail...once the boatmen give a signal you jump into the water and start swimming like crazy! coz the whalesharks won't wait for you to catch up. some were lucky coz they were able to swim with the sharks for a couple of minutes. others, like us, barely got a glimpse.

but the day wasn't a bust coz we had the afternoon to ourselves, and rax and i looked into going into legazpi and doing some shopping! :) of course i never passby a chance to look at the products of where ever i visit, coz when will you be able to go back and get anything? i didn't get much, a couple of things for the house. but rax bought a lot - things for the house that she'll be moving into pretty soon :)

after rushing back to the resort in sorsogon (which is about 2 hours away) we were whisked off for firefly watching. ooohh it was so beautiful! we were brought to the donsol river and along the banks you could see trees lighted up with hundreds of fireflys. it reminded me of christmas lights.

the following day we started at 6am to continue our whaleshark adventure. i saw one before i left rax and russ to go diving. after i left they saw a couple more and then went for a city tour to see the Mayon and other touristy sites.

the last time i went diving i was in cebu, so a couple of months had passed. and at the time, my allergies were acting up. so i had a doubly hard time equalizing and it took me forever to go down. a group of 6 foreigners were with me and they were long gone by the time i reached the bottom. hahaha good thing i told one of the divemasters so he stuck by my side.

what did i see? well the dive site is called the "manta bowl"...so mantarays! wow, wow, wow :) really spectacular, it's like they were dancing and their wingspan is a couple of meters long. so they were massive but graceful. there wasn't that much coral to see but the fish were of a different species so it was nice to see something different.

another thing about that dive was during the third one the current was really strong! so we had to keep low and i was grabbing at coral to help me along, coz i was having a really hard time swimming. the soft coral and plants were totally bending and the sound of the current was like the sound the rain makes when there's a storm.

of course i made it a point to take pictures of the sunset, i think we have the best sunsets! the colors are really rich from purple to yellow :) and the trip made me realize that the Philippines is a great destination if you're into nature and going to the beach. there are so many places to go to! i wonder how long it'll take til i can say i've been all over the Philippines?!

catching up

2007-05-04T21:39:00.000+08:00

so i'm going to donsol next weekend...finally got someone to go with me. it's raquel and her fiance. so ok i'm gonna be the third wheel! and get this - since it's supposed to be twin sharing and there are 3 of us we have to share one room! hahaha

was thinking of going there and my divemaster texted me. hmmm telepathy ba ito? and there's a package: 3 dives to try to see mantarays etal, whaleshark encounter, and firefly encounter. i have no idea how they'll set up the firefly thing! so i'll finally be able to go to the beach this summer! and go diving. at least i am doing a summer activity!

what else is new? i started classes at instituto cervantes. it's kinda easy to read and listen to the classes. but it's a whole new ball game when we have to say the exercises out loud and talk to one another.

but i like the teacher! she's young and easy to understand. and she's not boring which is a great plus! hopefully i'll learn a lot and learn how to speak pretty quickly.

a big development - i was asked if i want to be the associate producer of a movie that's going to made in cebu. shoot is around october with 2 months pre-prod. good opportunity right? nice on the resume? so i said yes.

i wonder if i'm asking for trouble?! i probably am. but it is a good professional move right? hhhaaayyy

well because of this i changed my plans of moving to the states, to a later time. now i don't know when. will figure it out once the production gets going.

but until then i don't know what to do with regard to work. coz the thing with bantay bata fell through. so i don't have any income. but a good thing happened - finally got the last check from a racket! hahaha it took 3 years and i'm just happy i got it. and in fairness, i got more than i was supposed to. so i have some money now.

hoping that something will come up! for now taking it easy and trying not to freak out about work or lack of.

a decision

2007-02-12T20:43:00.000+08:00

so i've decided that it's better to set a low expectation of people, to accept what they can give. to try not to be disappointed when i don't get what i expected. to give what i can. to be a friend. to be a good person. to relax.

but the case will be different with the people that are really important. the people that i love. but i think that's a good thing. the people you care for a lot are special, they should be treated differently. plus you should be able to tell them up front what you feel and how they affect you.

so it's all good :) just wish realizing things doesn't have to be so hard and complicated!!!

selfishness

2007-02-10T18:39:00.000+08:00

onto something less negative, but nonetheless negative. it's about people. through numerous discussions with a friend, selfishness came up. how some people can be selfish. not in terms of money or materialism. but in giving up time to spend with others. well like how friends don't show up or do things when invited or asked. of course when those things happen, i feel bad. is it selfish for me to feel bad and offended that they don't show up? and is it selfish for them not to show up because they have other things going on in their lives?

coz before if it would happen i'd just ignore it and think that it's not worth stressing over. that if they have other things happening then so be it. and if next time they're the ones doing the inviting then i'd go if im free, if i'm not then next time. but it seems to always happen, and i'm kinda sick of it. but if i drop the people who are like that (and it seems that everyone is like that at one point or another) then i'd really not have friends at all! when is it acceptable for them not to show up or do something?

in a smaller scale it's with texting...how some would inquire how you are and series of answers and questions that occur. then i'd ask a question and poof the person disappears! won't hear from them! is it alright to feel offended then?

is it even fair to think this way? am i demanding too much from people?

i guess what comes into play is not having very high expectations and just accepting what they give. it seems as i am turning older i want to feel that i'm important to my friends aka the important people in my life. it's just how do you consolidate what you want with what people give???!!!

firsts

2006-12-06T20:33:00.000+08:00

first time...

...to go to panglao island

...to see hundreds of star fish in the sand...seeing the outprints of these creatures and feeling them under my toes

...to look up into the sunny sky and see a cloud evaporate into nothingness

...in a long time to walk along a stretch of beach that can be described as deserted

...to have that kind of getaway

...to feel like i was in a world of my own

...to see a night that clear and stars so bright

developments!

2006-10-12T17:38:00.000+08:00

since i got here three people have resigned from the department...no it's not because of me! i'm not that mean or powerful to do that! ;-)

arleen a producer, jackie an associate producer and joey a production assistant.

who's left? me an associate producer, leica a producer, senyo and chiqui are production assistants and michael the production head.

i actually said that i'd like to be considered if they'll be looking for producers and was told i don't have enough experience by michael. ouch! then leica told me that they don't hire producers, associate producers are trained to become producers. oh okay! that doesn't hurt my ego as much ;-) haha

work has been picking up - still doing the cleverlearn tvc - now there's a music video and a filmmakers series. slowly but surely i'm becoming busy.

for a while i was kina bored...but thankful that it wasn't hectic. i got to use the time to get to know my co-employees, how things are done here and how i see myself in this company. so far so good!

so i am sad that people have moved on but at the same time there's more opportunity to grow! :-)

something's up

2006-10-12T17:36:00.000+08:00

somethings brewing...and i'm super happy about it! it's kind of surreal but really exciting and sweet!

visits

2006-10-12T17:27:00.000+08:00

jacs
last week i was surprised to receive a text from jacs. even more when i read his message - i'm going to bigfoot today. what?!
he was coming in to interview the bosses for people asia.

so i was able to see jacs and catch up. i was so happy to see him! it made me realize i really miss manila, my mom and friends.

eyron
yesterday eyron arrived for a quick break here in cebu. another reason to be happy! plus he brought a pasalubong of chocolate kiss cake sampler. heaven in three little squares of cake. drooling thinking of how good it was.

because of my injured ankle (grr!) couldn't take him out dancing. but i'm hoping on friday i'll be able to! want to go out and have fun!

up next...
binky's flying in next week for her bro's wedding...can't wait to see her!

ate noemi and kuya egay are coming to cebu for the bantay bata caravan! yehey! another weekend to look forward to.

oh and i'm going to manila november 1-6...i really do miss everything, even though barely two months has passed! :-)

out of mactan

2006-10-12T17:04:00.000+08:00

it started with moal boal, then olango and finally bantayan - got out of mactan and around cebu.

moal boal
this was suppose to be a production department outing but other people from bigfoot decided to join us. in all were around 20 people and two kiddies.

we stayed at quo vadis resort and their beachfront isn't sand. it's coral! from the shore til it drops off and the water is very blue and very deep.

got the chance to take in 2 dives and the highlight of it all? the chance to see a turtle! wonderful!

but the best thing about it was getting to know my officemates a little better. at least now when i'm walking around the grounds i know the names of people i say hi to! :-)

olango island
a bird sanctuary reachable by ferry from mactan. memorable coz this is where i sprained my ankle!

a quiet island that's really peaceful and simple. can't wait to go back next month and see the migrating birds!

bantayan island
with this trip i really got the chance to learn more about Butch and Tamara...that i'd really like these two people to become friends of mine. we had fun just talking, joking and taking in the sights of the island.

the group was much smaller this time around - me, butch, tamara and the ftv peeps steven, daniel and rebecca.

saturday was when the sun was out so we all got a tan. spent a couple of hours on the beach of kota resort. then we went to the marketplace and tamara wanted to drive the pedicab. and she did that and worked up a good sweat going around the town of Sta. Fe. the thing was is when the driver took over the wheel of the pedicab broke and he charged us for it.

one of the funny things that happened? the ftv people put on a little show for us! no wonder they had big bags with them. they were in costume and did some skits. it was hilarious!

come sunday we were left behind while the ftv gang headed back to mactan. we decided to visit another resort to go to the ogtong cave.

ogtong cave is partly underwater. butch and i went swimming in it's warm water. and of course took some pictures. surprisingly the pictures came out nice with the little light that we had to play with...

and the resort was nice, their beachfront was partly rock with a pretty view of the ocean. too bad it was over cast, i'm sure if there was sun the beach would have been even more beautiful.

the food was good at bantayan! it's famous for it's seafood. i got my wish and was able to wolf down two crabs for our first lunch. then the seafood pizza at blue ice resto...sarap! breakfast was at a portugese place where the pancakes were very yellow, with a cake consistency and yummy. the best was at white beach resto! tons of seafood and they served the food with an assortment of dipping sauces. well worth what we paid!

even if i was limping all over the place because of my injured ankle, i was super glad i went! that was a great weekend ;-)

ouch!

2006-10-12T16:43:00.000+08:00

hmmm i twisted my ankle last friday...

i decided to tag along with the Deep Gold crew to their location check at Olango Island. it's just off mactan island, a short ferry ride away. what's special about Olango is that it is a bird sanctuary. different kinds of birds make the island a stop over during their migration to warmer lands.

got a beautiful shot a blue heron resting in a tree. although there aren't that many birds yet coz the season reaches its peak during november.

so anyway we were getting around the island via the tricycle that we rented for the day. olango is more of a day trip kinda visit. not that many places to stay and really nothing to do.

Jiji had to get out and check something and since i was blocking her way i had to get out of the tricycle too. i held onto a handle bar and next thing i know i'm on the floor. and then my foot started to hurt. i thought it wasn't much but then it started to hurt. luckily the tricycle driver was nice and bought me ice and offered to take me to a manhihilot. i didn't want to have my foot touched, i could still handle the pain.

but then we passed by the island's hospital and Jiji asked me if i'd like a doctor to take a look. i said yes :-)

i twisted my ankle. i had to keep ice on it for the rest of the day and then start with a hot compress. and i had to rest.

but did i rest? nope. that weekend i was going to bantayan island with some officemates. and i thoroughly enjoyed that weekend. but come monday i was still injured, but off pain killers.

then on wednesday, when i woke up i felt pain again. after a couple of meetings i saw tamara in the hallway and she asked me about my foot. then she saw i long purple bruise along my foot. needless to say she convinced me to go to the hospital and made sure that the company's car would bring me to the hospital.

wow i loved that tamara convinced me but i didn't like the hospital too much. i had to ask for attention and for a chair. everyone did what they did without regard for their patients. but in fairness to my doctor, she was nice. i guess i just didn't feel welcome there.

so i got a xray and had my foot bandaged. still have to go back to get the official results, but apparently i don't have a fracture or anything. just need to rest...

did i rest? nope...haha! matigas talaga ulo ko! i had to head to the city and meet Eyron at Ayala. he's in town for a mini break. plus he brought me a cake sampler from chocolate kiss! YUMMY. i was so happy to see him and swap stories. and the cakes were goo-ood...

although after one night of having the bandage around my ankle the swelling is noticeably smaller. i did go to work. but aside from a meeting and lunch out, i've kept my foot elevated and a hot compress on it. i have a feeling i'll be able to recover pretty soon ;-) hahahaha

drink to make more money!

2006-10-12T16:42:00.000+08:00

Alcohol use helps boost income: study

I just read this article and I’m sorry, but I really have to say that it is so true! Well, I’m not sure about the money part, but about being able to be sociable and build your network through alcohol. That is just a fact of life.

I’m living proof of it. I’ve been here in Cebu for about a month. (It has been a month?!) And I went out and had fun (aided by alcohol) last Wednesday and Friday. And now I am able to talk to my officemates. It’s as simple as that! Not just the usual hi and smiles in the hallway. But actually exchange ideas and find out more about the other.

So people I otherwise would not have been able to talk to at work, I get to know a little better after work.

How did Binky put it? Alcohol is a social lubricant.

Of course it took me this long to be comfortable enough to go out.

But aside from alcohol, I think going out with your officemates is important. That a little work to show interest in the people you work with, will go a long way.

Last Friday it was Joey’s birthday and I got my first paycheck. As tradition calls for it here in Bigfoot, Joey and I had to treat everyone to pizza. So we gathered the production department and headed to Da Vinci’s.

Yum! First time for me to try Shawarma Pizza, I think I liked that the best!

In that hour-long lunch break we all got to know the new Production Head, Michael, a little better. And it was the first time that all of us sat down together as a group. Before that we had talked to each other at one point, but not with Michael.

It was different and fun. It was also a sneak peak into how an out of town trip of the department is going to be like – full of smiles and laughter! (Or at least it seems that way! Ha!)

Cheers!

Curious? Wanna know how alcohol can help? Here’s the link:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20060914/hl_afp/afplifestylehealthalcohol

DIVING

2006-10-12T16:30:00.000+08:00

last september was a month of diving for me. aside from the deep dive i was able to do 2 more dives towards my advance open water certification...

Clean up dive
we went to the house reef of shangri-la and spread out to cover as much ground as possible. Ana and i got a san miguel beer bottle, a sack, juice packs, and bits of foil. by the end of it i was kind of bored already! but just as tony was banging on his oxygen tank we saw a neon blue nudibranch. and we couldn't stop looking at it! since there was the signal to ascend, we had to stop our staring and start heading towards the surface.

Night dive
ooh was i scared during orientation...i tried to remember the flashlight signals. of course i couldn't! my thoughts were running wild! luckily the entry was my favorite. just had to roll into the water - it just doesn't seem as scary for me! saw a big flute fish, a burgundy nudibranch and a whole lot of other creatures i don't know the names of.

got the chance to visit Moal Boal with some of the people from Bigfoot. the dives at Moal Boal were with Tamara and Leica, two of my officemates from the Production Department. first with Tamara then with Leica...

when i first learned how to dive in Anilao, i thought that what i saw was really beautiful. then here in mactan even more beautiful. but so sorry, Moal Boal has been the best. the coral, the different kinds of school of fish, the amount of fish, the coral, a shark (far away) and a TURTLE! it was the second dive and right when we entered the water there was the turtle. it allowed us to take a good look at it before gracefully swimming away. when i saw it a let out a shriek! it was so beautiful! Pescador Island off the coast of Moal Boal is really breathtaking!

next up? planning on finishing my advance open water course and heading to Malapascua in time for manta ray and thresher shark season...i'm lovin cebu :-)

fluke

2006-10-12T16:29:00.000+08:00

cause of Tamara i found out that we can access the banned/blocked websites of our office internet. so here i am able to write some of the things that have happened.

FINALLY!

120

2006-09-11T22:49:00.000+08:00

ack! i had my first deep dive...120 feet! oh my god! i really can't believe it! sorry...

it's just that i remember when anne and i first learned how to dive last april she was already talking about getting our advance accreditation and i was like "hello? let's get used to being open water divers." and here i am now planning the dives i need to be accredited as advance open water diver.

i know anne would be proud of me. i've been the one with more reserve with everything in life. in every aspect of it, compared to her. but here i am learning something that really scares me...

actually i had already warned ana (my new dive buddy) and tony, our dive master, that i have a problematic right ear when it comes to eqalizing while going down. but this time it was a first for my left ear. so going down i was surprised. i almost didn't notice the trigger fish, the corals and the jellyfish going down.

but after this one moment when i could actually feel my left and right ear pop, i was ok. i was able to follow the wall of coral going down to the marigondon cave. woooohoooo! i was so happy...

even if the first thing you see at the mouth of the cave are tombstones. of those that have died at the cave and those who decided to rest there for the rest of eternity. it was so exciting. after looking over the tombstones, tony pointed to his computer and showed me how far we were - 120 feet below the surface.

wow...i couldn't believe it...

the second dive wasn't as deep but we saw barracudas, jack fish, blow fish and a whole lot of coral. oh! and during the first dive we saw a huge nudibranch...swear it was almost a foot long! the most i saw was a 2 inch thick.

so i'm getting the dives to become an advance open water diver. it's basically about doing a number a dives. so i'm done with the deep dive! and next week there'll be a clean up dive in the afternoon and a night dive saturday evening.

hmm even more scary for me. just the thought of going down in the water and i won't be able to see anything! but just the thought, it makes me feel excited at the same time.

but after next weekend and 2 more dives, i'll be accredited! i can't believe how fast everything is going. i just have to pay a little bit more per dive and i'll be accredited. it makes me feel better about diving in general. coz i love being able to dive with a purpose, it makes me feel that it's super worth my money! haha kahit paano kuripot pa rin ako!

:-)

caving

2006-09-09T18:24:00.000+08:00

Because of Darwin I’ll be able to go DIVING tomorrow! Hmm how was he able to orchestrate that all the way from Manila?

Before leaving Manila, he told me that he had a fellow from the Dumaguete workshop that he attended that lives in Cebu, Ana who also dives.

One day, another boring day at the office, I checked his blog and remembered that he has a link to her site. So I looked through the pictures she had posted and about her dive trips. So I emailed Darwin and asked us to "intoduce" us and he did via email.

We’ve been texting and planning a dive for tomorrow. It will be at the marigondon cave site. Ack! Scary but exciting! I’ll be able to credit this dive towards my advance certification. That’s so cool!

Thanks Darwin!

music

2006-09-09T18:23:00.000+08:00

So before leaving for work last Friday I remembered to update my ipod so that I’d have new music to listen to. Jackie didn’t have her CD of mp3s so I bugged Joey. Thank God he was nice enough to send mp3s through skype.

Uploaded Michael Buble, Duran Duran MTV Unplugged, the OST of The Beach, Fatboy Slim and a couple of songs from U2. Sitting around and listening to music is enjoyable to me.

I remember the way I would listen to CDs before. I would sit down and just listen to the whole album and then I’d listen to it with a copy of the lyrics before me. It’s been a while since I’ve done that. I guess coz I don’t buy CDs anymore, just download the mp3s.

Last night I listened to a lot of the songs I got. But I have yet to sit down and really listen to the music, to understand the lyrics set to the music.

Hmm I discovered something I can do! Haha masubukan nga

moving

2006-09-09T18:22:00.000+08:00

Moving moving MOVING! I've moved twice in the past two weeks. I can definitely says YES I FEEL STRESSED!

The first major move from my home and friends in Manila to a totally new and foreign place that is Cebu.

I had a despedida the Friday before I left. I was glad my friends came and spent that night with me. It was so funny! Because I had to go to Paragon around 6pm coz Pao had to leave for a meeting. Well I had just come from getting my hair cut (yes it’s short again!) and I was only able to bring stuff that I grabbed before leaving the house, a bottle of vodka and plastic cups. And I was alone, couldn’t leave coz what if people arrived early etc.

So I started texting, asking people to do me a favor and buy drinks, food, ice. Anything they wanted to bring. People started arriving and my gay and guy friends arrived with just their smiles and hugs for me. Except for Nathan and Mike who brought Andok’s coz I begged them for food! While my girlfriends came with everything else! Chips, Baileys, Rum, Vodka, ice, beer, cigarettes, cake, plates, forks. Oh and Rax brought her magic sing so we all had fun singing J so in other words, the guys didn’t bring anything but the girls did!

I really appreciated that they were able to stay or even drop by to say good bye. I have to admit I felt special! But this was just the calm before the storm (of moving).

I still had to shoot and write for Bantay Bata until Wednesday, the day before I had to leave. And I crammed two scripts in that afternoon to be able to leave by 6pm. I treated the Bantay Bata girls the previous day, quality time kung baga. I was kinda happy I was in such a rush to leave coz I know I would have gotten teary eyed and everything. I wouldn’t leave Bantay Bata if this opportunity hadn’t presented itself. Anyway, I had to get to Makati by 7pm. Coz I was gonna have one last dinner with Anne at M CafÈ, who consequently is moving to Vietnam later this month to work as a Producer for TV commercials there! Then my friends from UP followed there at 9pm so we could all catch up. Coz Motts was also getting ready to go back to the States to finish her Master’s.

Of course it was hard to say good bye when the talk is good and the company is great. But I had to say good bye around 11pm. Coz I still had to pack…it was so hard! Choosing what you needed, then deciding that you didn’t really need that. It could wait for another trip. Needless to say I was still choosing what to bring or leave behind til right before I had to leave for the airport! Haha

But I think the most stressful thing of that Thursday was having to go to UP Manila to get my transcript and certification of graduation. I couldn’t get my diploma coz I’m gonna have to pay almost $1000 to get it! HUH? WHAT?! Yup. Coz until my junior year 1st semester I was a US Citizen, but I was able to get dual citizenship. But anyway since I was an American Citizen I had to pay $150 a semester. Ok not bad considering how much tuition is at other schools. But they didn’t run after me while I was studying. So now I have to pay roughly $1000 to get my diploma. Since it was their fault they agreed to give me the transcript and certification of graduation.

When I told my mom she said that I don’t really need a diploma…but if I really wanted one to get the details of the diploma from a blockmate and she’ll go to Recto and have a diploma made especially for me! Hahahahaha oo nga noh? You can have a diploma made in Recto…but no need!

So on the morning that I had to fly to Cebu I confirmed that I can pick up the papers from UP and I get my butt over there. Then I go to the Cebu Pacific office for my ticket. Then I go home and get ready and briefly say good bye to my Mom. She was gonna bring me to the airport but I changed her mind. Saying she would just get tired from bringing me there. But in truth I would have found that so awkward, saying good bye at the airport. I always cry when that happens! But I made her promise to call me later that day.

My flight was delayed around thirty minutes and I realized I had no idea what was gonna happen when I got to Cebu. No number to call or text or any instructions. So I texted and waited for word from Bigfoot. During the flight I was tense and jittery. Then I couldn’t turn on my phone! I don’t know if my phone was breaking down on me (it probably was) but it wouldn’t turn on. After several tries and getting my huge suitcase (I was 20 kilos over) from the carousel it finally turned on! Hhhaayyy salamat! I received a couple of texts and a quick call later I was picked up by the service.

Then check in and I was at the Casablanca, with its huge room, bathroom, AC and cable television. It’s within the compound of Bigfoot. And Bigfoot is at Mactan, about an hour away form the City. I Stayed there for two weeks. And I had to MOVE AGAIN last Thursday!
Looking for a place was no picnic. Coz I don’t want to pay a lot and I don’t want to buy furniture/appliances. So scratch apartments fully furnished or otherwise. Then the rates for the rooms where at opposite ends of the spectrum form 3,000 up and 1,800 down. Nothing in between or a safe choice.

I settled for a really cheap room, but it’s tiny. Just enough space for a single bed to the right and right next to it a cabinet and a "table". In fairness to my new pad (hmm could I even call it that?!) it’s the cheapest, cleanest, modern (in terms that everything is concrete and the bathroom is decent), it’s in a subdivision with strict guards, it’s near the hi-way (it’s a 2 minute walk) and one jeep ride to Bigfoot. Mind you it’s a 10 minute ride but that 10 minutes is FAR! Coz there’s no traffic.

I just had to buy a foam to sleep on an electric fan to make my stay more comfortable. I actually made my own sheets! Haha well it’s not the hardest thing to do when I think about it. Now I’m thinking of ways to make it more home-y. Also thinking of things that I can do! Since there’s no TV, no cable I pretty much have myself for company.

Gosh I felt scared/apprehensive last Thursday. One of the reasons why I didn’t feel that I had to adjust much was coz I was staying at the Casablanca and it’s creature comforts. The only thing missing was my mom and friends, it kinda felt like I was still in Manila. Well let’s face it, I’m still in the Philippines after all!

I know I just have to get used to it. Thank god for books, crafts and my ipod…I’ll just have to ease into living alone.

charmed

2006-09-09T18:14:00.000+08:00

Let’s backtrack a bit…to more than a month ago…

Got to Boracay in one piece. It was my first time to get there alone. And since I got a Cebu Pacific ticket (2,800 lang! woohoo!) I would be landing in Kalibo. Good thing I decided to talk to my "seatmate"! Turns out she works for Fil-Estate and when she found out that I was staying at Fairways (courtesy of Paolo) she took me under her wing!

Too bad she didn’t know that there was a coaster that was picking up clients in Kalibo so we joined other travelers and got a van (200 bucks each). It seemed like a looong drive, around 2 hours. And we didn’t go to the Caticlan Jetty Port, forgot the name of this port. Basta. It was because of the habagat, so along the white beach of boracay were huge waves. So all boats were redirected to the other side of the island at Tambisaan.

Since Shiela works for Fil-Estate we were able to ride the Fairways boat straight to the resort! And I was able to check in and go to the room. Super excited to see Pao and Ivan in a different setting! Got a call from Anne, she couldn’t make the trip! Boo! Coz of work…the usual! Oh well! It was time to join the rest of civilization and hit the beach.

Pao was there for work…shooting a movie. I was so happy for him! Finally getting back to practicing the craft. So I met him at Pearl and we had lunch or at least ordered lunch together. While I ate and he had to work, I stood watch over his food. Haha

It must have been a while coz Ivan decided to go to Pearl to meet me, he had been waiting at d’mall. After saying hi and being intro’d to everyone I pulled him toward the beach to take a walk.

WHAT A SHOCK!!! Boracay looked totally different, at least the beach did. Because of the habagat there were huge waves instead of the placid shore of summer. And because of the wind and waves, the resorts had to put up wind guards. In Station 1 there is no beachfront, Cocomangas, Pier 1, or Club Paraw. And there was this weird bunch of trees on the sand near the grotto…

Eventful walk that was…because while walking between station 1 and 2 on our way to the English Tea Room, there was a gust of wind and a wind guard that came flying towards us. Imagine this: a sheet of thick clear plastic board edged with bamboo. Yup that was moving towards us. One though on my mind – it’s coming straight to my face! Ack!
Luckily both Ivan and I had the presence of mind to put up our hands and block it. Got a tiny wound on my thumb because of that. But nothing more thank goodness!

Hmm what else? Of course both Friday and Saturday night was out to enjoy the nightlife. During the summer, Boracay nightlife can be described as Greenbelt with less clothes on. This time not so much…but just as fun. Even more so I think! Got a lot of free drinks from people and from the bartenders of Summerplace! Fun, fun, fun.

But I didn’t get plastered coz Ivan intro’d me to Jenny, a dive master. So I made plans with her to go diving on Saturday morning. That didn’t push through, but I was able to go on Sunday morning! I really made it a point to get back to the room by 3am and get some sleep.

Oh it was so much fun! As usual I felt jittery about diving. It would be the first time since I learned last April. But I got over it and was able to enjoy the two dives. I really liked the second dive! We did the usual entry and swam on our backs to the marker. And then after some last minute instructions there was the go ahead signal. So when I turned around and looked down I already saw fish! A let out shriek! In the past I only saw fish after going down a couple of meters. The whole time going down to the ocean floor I could see fish. And the coral was great too.

I know I said I wouldn’t go to Boracay again this year. Luckily this trip to Boracay was different because I was able to go diving. And Ivan was there. He had been there for more than a week by the time I got there and had made friends with a lot of the locals. Even though it was stormy and all…the sand was still as beautiful.

And the food - yum! On Saturday Ivan and I met up with Dode, RJ and Kit at the new talipapa (now called d’talipapa). They had bought liempo, prawns, and CRABS! And had it cooked at one of the restos around the wet market. Sinigang na hipon, prawns sautÈed in garlic and butter, grilled liempo and spicy-sweet-garlicky crabs. Wow. It was so good! And I love eating crabs, I don’t mind picking the sweet meat from the shell at all. That was another first for me to do in Boracay.

I’m glad I went! I didn’t spend too much during this trip, I was able to go diving, relax before going to Cebu, strengthen my friendship with Pao and Ivan, plus I was able to make new friends.

For me Boracay is a place that is so easy to go back to and visit, unlike other places where you go to and once is enough. I guess that’s the charm of the island…

sigh

2006-08-31T13:09:00.000+08:00

i've been in Cebu just shy of a week now! pretty uneventful...thank goodness!

moving can be a very stressful thing. getting a new job is also stressful. so i felt very antsy on the plane here. just not knowing what's going to happen and all. good thing i'm slowly being introduced to everything and everyone in Bigfoot. so something that is already stressful isn't doubly stressful. did i make sense...oh well!

as wanggo said i'm starting anew, got a clean slate...something that's hard to do when you're in manila. coz you're connected to each other in one way or another and people love to talk! haha

so far so good! too bad i can't access blogger from the office! company policy etc. but with my down time i'll make it a point to write and update this blog from time to time. Promise!

keep y'all posted!

in the works

2006-08-10T21:44:00.000+08:00

i was hoping that i would get the job...i have!

it all started in june. in one of the yahoogroups that i'm part of there was a post for a production company. what the heck...i sent my resume. 2-3 weeks later i got a call, it was a phone interview. for Bigfoot. it took around 30 minutes. i must have looked funny. coz i was at SM Makati right before the entrance to Glorietta. i was just walking around the doorway of the department store. walking in circles and talking and talking into my celphone.

another 2 weeks passed and i was thinking i didn't get it coz it seemed like a long time. during that time i signed up for another project that doesn't pay so well. but (as usual) something you do for the love of working in production. during the first meeting of Stimula Prod i get another call. this time from one of the managers of Bigfoot. this one was relatively short around 5 minutes. and another promise to hear from them again.

hmm...another 1 1/2 weeks pass. and yet again i feel that i didn't get it. but alas another call. this time to set an interview with the COO here in Makati. Uh oh. i couldn't believe it. i was with friends at the time but i didn't say anything. i believe in the "udlot" theory - tell others and it won't happen. so i kept it to myself and went to the interview.

i had a good feeling after the interview. and since it seemed like something was happening i went home and told my mom. to keep her in the loop. haaayyy the usual.

so the waiting game once again! but this time a couple of days later, 3 to be exact. got a call from the COO:
congratulations you got the job! thank you.

me:
no thank you!

blah blah blah

got the call for the package the following tuesday. i swear to God i've been on such a roller coaster ride with the waiting for these calls! anyway, was a bit disappointed with the offer...alas good opportunity barely acceptable pay. i asked for a bit of an increase.

HR:
I'll get back to you...

oh no! how long will i have to wait this time?! another week apparently. so they're not giving me more money but upon regularization wage increase in 6 months and at one year (or another 6 months) another raise. hmm sige na nga!

so i'm off to cebu! OMG it's so freaking scary. i get butterflies in my stomach when i think about it. i so hope this will be an excellent experience. a jump off point to many things...

i'm writing about it just now coz it's actually happening! i got my medical certificate - fit to be employed. have to pick up my nbi clearance on monday. i just don't know about my transcripts - darn UP and the way they drag their feet! other than that i'm pretty much set when it comes to the requirements.

just told my mom about it! she's resigned to the fact, but she wanted to know how much i'm gonna make. no way would i tell her!

mom:
come on tell me how much

me:
i'm not telling you. it's a lot. (liar!)

mom:
is it really. or you're not telling me coz it's little.

me:
it doesn't matter how much it is, you'd never approve! i'm going there to try it. and if it doesn't work out i can always come back.

mom:
you're gonna have to pay for everything. tell me so i can tell you if it's a good offer. AND just don't come back and tell me i was right.

me:
i'd never tell you you were right!

she let it go at that. and so i guess i have her blessing!

well of course i talked to my good friends about the situation. coz i was bursting to talk to someone and get their opinion. everyone says that i should try it. coz it's just cebu and i can always come back and beg for work again! haha

i have to go through my shit and decide what to bring...not looking forward to that.

i was suppose to go to cebu for the weekend...not anymore. hopping on a plane to Boracay. huling hirit with a vacation. luckily know some people who are there for work, one is on a break. definitely gonna go diving!

ack! i can't believe this is happening...

sunny

2006-08-02T10:28:00.001+08:00

yay! the sun is out! after how many weeks of bleak mornings! it feels good to feel it's heat on my face :-)

work has been picking up, getting kind of busy. but something else is in the works. and this thing is BIG! it will really bring a change to my life. this year has been about changes but i think this will top it off...

i'm excited and scared at the same time...i hope everything works out!

sunny

2006-08-02T10:28:00.000+08:00

experience

2006-07-04T10:32:00.000+08:00

for almost two years i was out experiencing life in a different way with a new group of friends. literally i was out of the house - at the mall, bars, clubs, homes of other people. it was fun, it was different. i was doing a lot of things i did not imagine myself doing and being.

around this time last year i was thinking if things would go on like that or if things would change. of course things changed. i haven't been going out much, been at home watching tv.

why? well that group of friends that i was with for two years...we don't hang out much anymore. not cause we hate each other, i guess we've found other ways to spend our time. for some of us it's because we've gone back to hanging out with family, others busy with work, some have friends they have to get to know, or there's new love to nurture, a lot of the time it has to do with money and being able to save most of what you make and spend as little as possible.

am i devastated, no not really. but i do miss their company. coz i do believe that these people are for keeps. and i'm really not in the mood to initiate a gimik, gather everyone and go out. and maybe that's the case rin for them. so we all don't see each other!

but am i glad things have changed? yes i can say i am. things are more laid back and i feel more relaxed. just another chapter in my life that has ended. but these characters still have roles in my life.

Leave me alone

2006-07-04T10:31:00.000+08:00

Leave me alone. obviously ignoring you hasn't worked. stop it. i'm really starting to hate you.

grrr

2006-07-04T10:14:00.000+08:00

with the internet it's really easy to keep in touch, the down side is that it's also easy for people to keep track of you.

i guess that's why i was kind of reluctant about getting a blog. coz there are certain things that people or certain people don't need to know. so i keep things pretty general or air my thoughts but never write anything that i don't want everyone to know.

i somehow feel betrayed (?) is that the right term? hmm...like my personal space is attacked. is it possible to keep my blog private or just for certain people. or keep others away?

grabe...i should have figured out that if wanggo could find my blog when i didn't tell him about it then anyone could do it. i just didn't think it would be of interest. but apparently it is. GOD! i am not flattered! i feel like my privacy has been invaded (not betrayed!). oh well. public domain.
if we're friends i'll tell you about it, let's meet and i'll make kwento...

logo

2006-07-03T10:48:00.000+08:00

manny pacquiao has been the toast of town and of course they had to make a movie about his life...or how it has been so far. so anyway, i saw the logo of his movie and i thought it was clever. they incorporated a drawing of a boxer in the letter "Q" of Pacquiao. so he's a boxer through and through.

but NO! i was flipping channels and there was a teaser for the contender. lo and behold the letter "O" of Contender had a boxer in it! hmmm the contender came out more than a year ago. does this mean that the graphic designer ripped off the design?! i wonder...

lights

2006-06-13T13:05:00.000+08:00

so i finished the cinematography workshop and i'm so happy that i was able to attend it. what next? i have to actually practice lighting techniques. i have to learn through experience.

so i have to ask people, cinematographers, if i can tag along during their shoots. or if i could even become an apprentice.

hmm...ewan ko. pakapalan na 'to ng mukha!

under the bridge

2006-06-13T12:56:00.000+08:00

just shot and wrote a medical feature on a baby with hydrocephalus. the baby looked ok, his head wasn't as big as other stories i've made. the clincher with this story was that he lives with his family under a bridge in the Quiapo area.

this was the very first time that i went to a place where people lived under a bridge. i was just thankful that it wasn't smelly, so i was able to do the shoot. sorry, i can't think straight when something smells bad! maarte ako sa ganyan.

we weren't able to shoot in the room that they occupy - we couldn't fit. it would have been me, the mom carrying the baby and the cameraman. and to get into the room you'd have to stoop low and kind of crawl towards the room that was at the end of a hallway. instead the cameraman shot the family inside the room.

luckily there was an area by the creek (estero) that we could do the interview, the bridge was behind us. i did a spiel because i know that doing it there would have more impact than just doing a voice over.

all i can say is wow...you can watch the news or a program about people living in those areas, but it really is so different to actually go there and see it.

chicksmart

2006-06-04T10:55:00.000+08:00

even though i resigned from NMI, they have asked me to do some segments for them. i think i've done one segment a month for them since march. so i've still been able to see them and keep in touch :-)

right now i'm doing chicksmart for them - the finale of chicksmart. coz groupee tv is going off the air! binky asked me to do it coz she has to prepare for the new show that NMI is going to produce and she's pressed for time.

so i'm suppose to put together the finale by presenting the top chicksmart topics. but this time i have to interview artistas and get their opinion and advice. right now i'm at NMI waiting for the crew to go to SOP and get those sound bites. ack! artistas! i had to ask eyron for help coz he knows how to handle them and get them to go on-cam!

i can't believe it. another final episode for a show i've worked on. for a show that i helped conceptualize. for a show that i lost sleep and my mind over! hhaaayyy...

...

2006-06-04T10:34:00.000+08:00

it's been a while since i last posted an entry...

major things that have happened? well i joined a production management seminar that was held at mowelfund. that was really informative, i learned the roles of the production crew (among other things). coz even if i've been working in the industry for more or less four years, i don't quite understand what everyone is suppose to do! i've been winging it or learning through experience!

i haven't been doing much for Bantay Bata, since my shoots were completed in the early part of may, i've only had to write scripts and record the voice overs.

right now i'm in the middle of a digital cinematography workshop at UP. i am learning so much! like how to handle a camera, what are the different equipments used. but more on the technique, like how the tone (blacks and whites of the picture) is important. in a nut shell, your whites shouldn't be too white and if you adjust that the rest of the picture will be good. and not only the tone but you have to be careful with the color too, always do a white balance. so far it's been theoretical, next week we'll begin using the equipment and learn how to light a set. i'm excited!

oh and an old friend's wedding is coming up. I'm going to be a bridesmaid for michelle's wedding. my third time? hmm...how do i feel about it? wala lang, happy that michelle found someone! coz when i told a former officemate about it she thought i was feeling anxious about it since i'm not in a relationship. but for me it's more like i can't believe i'm at the age that my friends are getting married already! i can't imagine tying the knot!

well what's nice with this event coming up is that me, raquel and michelle (minus monica coz she's in the states) have made an effort to see each other and catch up. usually it's just me and raquel that meet. we've been friends since 2nd year high school, though i became friends with michelle in 6th grade. wow that's more than 10 years...

i also went out with wanggo, for the first time he mixed friends! he intro'd me to 2 of his college friends - Lance and DC. that was fun and different! because those two guys were straight guys! haha it was fun to be exposed to their kind of humor and i was laughing most of the time. :-)

what else? that's it for things that have happened to me!

draining

2006-05-16T11:57:00.000+08:00

i had another medical shoot last week, i think that had a big effect on me emotionally.

the first was a 5 year old boy, a burn victim. on new year's eve he was watching kids play with a home made fireworks device. basically a pvc pipe and paint thinner that's lighted, they call it a "kanyon". the paint thinner was in a plastic bag and somehow he got sprayed with it. the thing was he was near a candle so he caught fire.

he was asking for help for a skin grafting procedure and two more operations. of course if he doesn't get it he'll be permanently disfigured. coz if he doesn't have the operations within the year the burned skin will start "eating" the normal skin. i wasn't able to talk to his doctor so i don't understand how that's possible, but that's how his mom explained it.

it's only been 5 months but already his self-confidence and attitude is affected. he hates it when people look at him with pity and try to console him with kind words. and sometimes playing with kids is painful especially when his scars are accidentally touched.

if that wasn't enough i also had a shoot after that, another burn victim. this time the 8 year old girl was burned when their gas lamp fell on her. she had third degree burns and was in the hospital for 8 months. the burned skin and muscle had to be removed from her neck and chest. but while she was healing she had a painful wound on her back so she wouldn't sit up and raise her chin. so now it's as if she doesn't have a neck coz her chin is to her chest. and her lower lips and teeth are being pulled downward.

i saw a picture of the girl before the accident and she was cute. during the shoot there was a little girl there, a playmate of her sister. she wanted to leave the house, but since we were shooting by the door she couldn't get out. so i told her to go ahead and pass but she wouldn't coz she was scared of Ella. that's how bad ella looks, other kids are afraid of her. so i asked one of the crew members to pick up the playmate and carry her out of the house.

that shoot left a heavy feeling...an example of what can be the worst shoot or maybe a taste of more emotional shoots.

frantic

2006-05-10T19:40:00.000+08:00

was having lunch with officemates at chowking tomas morato and i noticed the servers...they were walking around with trays full of food and drinks at top speed. it was like they were on something or they were being chased by the devil.

watching them i could feel myself tense up and actually get this feeling of being stressed out. and i was amused by it - to actually be affected by the servers when i'd hardly noticed before.

and then i realized that's why up scale restaurants are much more expensive than fast food ones, you're paying for the calm ambiance. so that you can enjoy your food in a relaxed environment.

wala lang...share ko lang yung thoughts ko! yun lang!

orange

2006-05-09T13:08:00.000+08:00

i tried one of those online personality tests about what color i am. so read on...

Orange

You're a bold, confident orange. A warm, powerful color that indicates a strong, welcoming personality, orange is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright, inviting demeanor. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person people want to meet and get to know better. Well-rounded and fun to be around, you enjoy helping others, so it's no surprise that orange also symbolizes attraction. Orange is an extraordinary color — for an extraordinary person.

i wonder how these tests are made...

hindi pwede

2006-05-05T16:41:00.000+08:00

i'm a staunch believer that your ex can never be your friend. it's just too complicated! having to deal with your feelings and the memories and everything!

and if you guys are ok enough to be friends what's going to stop you from getting back together? wait a minute. let me rephrase - you can be friends with an ex if you want to get back together with him.

but what if you need the guy for something? a sounding board, money, sex, a ride? ok, you can be friends with an ex if only to USE him. hehe

for me the thing to moving on and getting on with your life is to be free of his clutches. it's enough that your memories torture you, but getting a text or whatnot from him? ay grabe!

i have a friend who is still close to her ex. i'll get up the nerve to ask her if she has actually moved on...

hmmm

2006-05-05T16:26:00.000+08:00

ewan ko...was thinking of the saying "you can't have it all"

coz i like the way my job is going. i'm learning a lot and i love that i'm doing production work and i'm able to help people. but i have yet to see my first pay check! it's been almost 2 months since my last. i had to think of who owed me what and ask them to pay up. been living on a shoestring budget these past two weeks.

but my relationships with people are kinda iffy. the status quo on the lack of a love life remains - nada :-) but with friends...hmm? some are coming back, some are waning, i was reminded on the non existence of past friendships. and now i'm finding myself becoming increasingly inis with my mom. with regard to her i should really limit my exposure to her. it's like the sun, too much is lethal.

i'm doing good, but not great. i wonder when i can say things are going great. as in! but i don't i'll be able to say that my life is great in its entirety, maybe certain aspects. too many factors...

mutation

2006-05-05T15:52:00.000+08:00

wala lang...i was thinking...humor me :-)

i noticed that there are a lot of gay men here in manila...

well anyway, i was thinking what if sexuality in people was like in those of (in some) frogs that when there's a shortage of one sex some of them mutate into a male/female so that they can reproduce. so if there are a lot of females, some would mutate into males and they'd get it on and make tadpoles.

so in turn that's why there are so many gay men here in manila coz there are too many guys. so as to even things out, in terms of population.

but then again duh. there really are a lot more girls than boys here in the philippines in general. and gay men are born that way, not made. they just have to discover that they love other guys! (though of course it isn't as simple as that.)

i guess i'm just commenting on the shortage of men that i'd be willing to get into a relationship with, though of course there are guys that i'm attracted to.

but i must say that a lot of gay men are really cute and since gay men in general are vain they have nice bods too. plus they're in touch with their feminine side so they're easy to talk to and they get us women!

while straight guys (my age) are starting to get fat! and of course the mind games that they play. but don't get me wrong, some women are getting fat and actually like those mind games.

hmm, looks like this entry is about me and that i'm single. and i'm a fag hag. that's why it seems like there are a lot of gay men, they're the only ones i socialize with. and i'm not "lapitin ng lalake" meaning guys may look but they don't have the balls to come up to me. but there are some, just that i'm NOT interested. oh well!

as i said in the beginning, humor me...

pass the ketchup please

2006-04-26T11:23:00.000+08:00

just like anything else in this world, ketchup has so many kinds and variations that you can have a certain type for whatever mood you're in and eating.

for burgers and fries heinz is the ketchup for me. or any kind of ketchup that's from the states, coz they basically taste the same.

here in the philippines we have banana catsup. when i first heard of it i thought that was weird! how can ketcup made of bananas taste good? i wouldn't touch the stuff but there was a time when my mom bought a bottle and since i love ketchup i tried it. and it tastes good!

but one thing that banana catsup (particularly Jufran) tastes unbelievable with is Max's fried chicken! i don't know what they do with the marinade but it's sooo good. but if you try homemade fried chicken with jufran it's ok but can't compare with Max's.

i don't know of anyone who can claim they can make chicken like Max's. and here in the philippines there aren't cook books or recipes that you can follow that teach you how to whip up food that will taste like it's from your favorite restos. so i guess Max's is lucky in that way coz you can only have chicken like theirs at their restaurants :-)

medical

2006-04-25T12:06:00.000+08:00

i did my first medical story last week, it was on a 6 month old baby boy with hydrocephalus. in layman's terms - the fluid in his head isn't drained properly. and since he's a baby his skull grows to accommodate the fluid.

a simple operation that will place a plastic tube in his brain will allow the fluids to be drained. he already had one when he was a month old but the operation failed. so now he needs another one and that's why his grandmother approached Bantay Bata.

you know how much they need? P30,000.00 thirty thousand pesos thirty thousand pesos and they can't afford it. which i think is weird or ironic. coz if i were in the same position i could ask friends or relatives to help me out. but they can't do that. at the same time it's also sad. kids shouldn't have to go through that.

i hope that someone saw the segment and decided to donate money to help him out. and i'm glad this is what my work is about now. i get the chance to help others :-)

lifeline

2006-04-25T11:40:00.000+08:00

ack! i left my celphone at home. i know exactly where it is. coz i woke up, picked up my celphone, went downstairs and placed it on a chair next to my bag. so that's where it is...

i wonder is it receiving calls or texts? or does it miss me?!

it's funny how it feels when a celphone is lost or left somewhere. it's as if something is wrong, doesn't feel right. we've actually become dependent on our celphones.

ever heard someone check their phone and if there isn't a missed call or text they say,"ay nobody's thinking of me." or even "nobody loves me."

and when it comes to work i think,"oh no is someone texting to give me a shoot" or "what if i can go and pick up the check?!"

oh well! all i can do is think of those what ifs and wonder...and try to get home as soon as i can!

4 times in a row

2006-04-23T12:30:00.000+08:00

i spent holy week in boracay for the 4th consecutive time. i really didn't want to go coz i said i wanted to experience something different this year. but a friend convinced me and surprisingly this holy week was different, even if it was still in Bora.

first thing - i actually woke up in the morning early enough to eat the extremely delicious breakfast fare of Boracay and catch some sun before lunch. and this trip it was still with my group of friends but i was able to spend time with other groups of friends that were also on the island.

also this holiday marked the 2 years that i've known mike, charles, and gabby. and the thing is i met them at boracay during holy week 2004. this time i got to know charles and gabby better.

this year i actually slept on saturday night, when all the big parties were held. i couldn't help it! i brought charles to the room coz he wasn't feeling well and i was watching tv intending to rest a bit before going out again. and i woke up in the morning with a phone call asking where i was.

of course i got a fabulous tan and we used my digicam underwater and got great pictures! it's funny how i was thinking twice about going and then when i got there and we were walking at station 1 i was overcome with this great feeling of happiness. bora is just so beautiful and peaceful i wonder if i'll ever discover another beach like it ;-)

talking sense

2006-04-23T12:20:00.000+08:00

a couple of weeks back i was with a friend and he asked me if i was single. "of course for two years now" then later in the conversation he goes "i have someone perfect for you! i just know it!" so he gets my number and i jsut think it's the usual thing that people say they do but forget.

but later that week i get a text from the guy...and the following night we talked on the phone. we talked for almost 2 hours about everything and anything. and it was nice, coz we share the same views on a lot of issues in life.

maybe it's because he's Fil-Aussie so he still has pinoy values but with a different perspective. it was fun talking to him. i remember a particular exchange about pretty people that are just nice to look at but please don't talk! that was funny...

i got a chance to meet him and it was ok. which was kind of a let down! i guess when you're talking over the phone things can be much more casual. but i'm glad there was a week when he was part of my life.

so now i'm thinking that it's probably better for me if i look at getting involved with foreingers or pinoys who grew up abroad. it's different talking to them. it kinda seems simpler in a way.

anyway i have time to prove this idea right or wrong...

slow and deep

2006-04-10T15:02:00.000+08:00

breathe slow and deep. that's what you have to do when breathing underwater. well that's what i learned coz last week i learned how to scuba dive :-)

wow. i can't believe it actually happened coz 1) i'm kinda scared of the water (not knowing what's in it and what can happen in an instant) 2) first time that plans with anne to go out of town and do something different actually pushed through.

but it wasn't as easy as just learning how to use the equipment! you have to put the scuba gear together and then there are exercises to do. and most of all i had to study! actually read an open water diver manual...that was weird. coz i was kind of cramming and i was reminded about how it was being a student. except this time the cramming was hard because i didn't know anything about what i was reading, and i had to understand it.

why? because there are quizzes and an exam too! for the quizzes i could only get three wrong and for the exam 12 max. the first 2 days all we did were the exercises and test dives. we had the quizzes and the exam on the second night. Gosh that was stressful! because if i failed i'd have to do the course over and have to pay the course fee again...NO! NO! NO!

obviously i passed! but just barely - 10 mistakes. boy was i happy and relieved after :-)

and our fun dive was, well, FUN! we were at Anilao, Batangas and they take care of the reefs there and there are lots of fish! and the corals were beautiful. too bad the visibility wasn't so good it could've been even more beautiful.

considering that i have a slight fear when it comes to swimming in the ocean, there was one exercise that i had a hard time with - the flood mask. you stick your finger in the mask and let the water come in, then you have to flush out the water by pressing down on the top of the mask and blowing air out of your nose to flush the water out. i kept on freaking out coz i'd keep my eyes open and see and feel the water come in. and my immediate reaction would be to go to the surface for air. hhaaayy grabe.

so finally i thought about it and said that the next time i should close my eyes and on our last day and first dive we had to do exercises, flood mask included. but i was able to do it! yehey! coz i kept my eyes closed and just felt the water come in and took my time and took loooong breaths.

i'm proud of myself that i was able to pass the course! now i'm just waiting for my certification and ID from PADI.

though i can say i can do without my hands being darker than the rest of my body (coz of the wetsuit!) and the cuts and scrapes i got from the rocks and corals. after our fun dive everytime i'd wash my hands i'd feel another cut stinging!

scuba diving is fun. i feel a sense of accomplishment, another skill learned. i'm looking forward to future trips to the beach! coz now i'll enjoy it even more since i can go diving!

weeksery

2006-03-29T16:30:00.000+08:00

i've been working for Bantay Bata for one week! hmm...it seemed like i would have a slow beginning, coz the training for the job would have to do actual work - shoots, interviewing, writing. and since i'm not familiar with the way things are done here i'd have to sit in in the shoots of the other reporters. but i'm glad it has been otherwise. some events needed coverage so i've done 3 shoots and i'm preparing a feature on child abuse in schools. i'm glad those stories were assigned to me coz i'm freelance and i'm paid per script!

considering that i had a regular job for more than a year, it was weird for me to not have money coming in at the end of the month. Ack! the perils of being freelance...not knowing when you'll actually have money to burn!

good thing it's easy for me to adjust my lifestyle. well i guess coz even when i was earning regularly i always made it a point not to get use to spending all of the money i earn. so now that i have to scrimp a bit i don't have to do it with a heavy heart. buti na lang sadya akong kuripot!

so far the people are nice and very accommodating. i guess that since i'm working for a foundation, a NGO, the people are innately kind. and i've also learned that here in the philippines you have to smile often (even if it isn't part of my personality) and say po and take on a "sweet" accent (another thing that is so not me, hello? sarcasm?) ay grabe! but what's the effort if it will make things and work easier for me in general. and if i really think about it, it's not that big a deal.

but then again why do i have to change? easy. to be able to survive in the philippine workplace. because people judge me by the way i look - i.e. a person who has money and is a bitch. oh well...at least it's easy to change when the people are easy to work with. so it's worth it.

although don't you guys go thinking that i've changed ok? this is my work persona...haha ;-)

i've resigned - part 2

2006-03-21T14:31:00.000+08:00

from a previous post:
but don't get me wrong! my new job isn't perfect, there are growing pains and adjustments to be made. and sometimes i find myself thinking "what have i gotten myself into?!" but i love the show and that it's about creating awareness on voc tech studies and that people can make a good living if they choose this way to a better life.

yes i've resigned from yet another job...when my stint with NMI officially ended last january 15. and two months to the date i tendered my resignation.

if i found myself thinking "what have i gotten myself into?!" it turned into "why the fuck am i still here?!"

i've always thought that NMI was charmed when it came to the people they chose for their organization. and now i miss it so much. yes i left because of the people that i had to work with. not that i'm a joy to always work with, but i know i'm not evil or mean spirited. and when faced with something like that, i'd rather throw the towel in than put up with it. forget about pride! i'm thinking about my sanity and happiness ;)

plus it was a regular thing and the boss wanted us to come into the office if there wasn't a shoot or editing. hmm i wanna be freelance for the meantime. i realized how important time is for me. to actually have time to myself to do things i want to do or things that i have to do that doesn't concern work.

so now i'm going freelance! even though i resigned last wednesday, i got an interview with Bantay Bata last thursday. and now it's my first day! i'm excited coz it looks like i'm going to learn a lot here. :)

kwento

2006-03-12T10:48:00.000+08:00

i found myself waiting and with a lot of time to sit and do nothing so i though i'd actually make a blog entry...

it's weird how things are now. my life was pretty routine beofre: go to work, do my job; go home and sleep; go clubbing, partying, drinking; work out once in a while. well i wasn't conciously trying to break that routine. i guess i thought tht whatever was suppose to happen would happen on it's own. another lesson learned!

first major turn in my life was my decision to leave the comfort of NMI for a show that would feature TESDA and the vocational technical industry. because of this my schedule changed. since NMI has a flexi time policy i could sleep in and go to the office in the afternoon. it also meant that i'd have to end my workday late at night. now i start early so i get home early. i actually get to go malling before going home or even watch TV.And i get to sleep earlier!

another thing i'm able to do is go to the gym regularly, at least four times a week. exercising makes me feel good. i see the effect it has on my body, though i'm still not as thin as i'd like to be or thin enough to think of myself as "thin." it also helps me deal with stress, it's an outlet for it. exercising puts me in a good mood, although it can't keep me in a good mood forever.

since it feels like i have more time, i want to do more! and i look for different things to do or places to go. simple as going to a different part of metro manila to eat or go malling.

just last weekend i was able to go to virgin's resort in batangas. it was a day trip with Raquel and Russell her fiance. i loved the place, it's new and the facilities are nice. the cherry on top was the food - yummy and great presentation! it really was my money's worth.

another thing i got to do was speed dating. i've heard about it, seen it TV or in the movies. i was a bit scared and apprehensive about it but it turned out to be a blast! my mind set going into the activity was to meet people and enjoy myself. of course there were some that i wasn't attracted to but i made a point to talk to them and avoid those awful silent, awkward moments. at the end of the night i found myself glad to have joined. the results? i got six matches. have yet to see what will come out of it.

i guess i t seems that i have more time now coz i make a concious effort to make time to do things.

a major change in my life is that i spend time wih my mom. go out for a bite to eat, watch a movie and talk. things are definitely different between me and my mom. i wonder if it's cause we don't live in the same house anymore - since we don't see each other as often, there's less of a chance for me to get on her nerves! ;-)

i'm kind of finding it hard to keep in touch with old friends. but that's a problem with scheduling and i can't do much about that. just remember to text and invite them out every once in a while.

but don't get me wrong! my new job isn't perfect, there are growing pains and adjustments to be made. and sometimes i find myself thinking "what have i gotten myself into?!" but i love the show and that it's about creating awareness on voc tech studies and that people can make a good living if they choose this way to a better life.

all in all i'm happy with the way things have been going. though i do miss rica, pabsy, binky, wanggo, howard, wowie, will, paolo, arjun, aj, manny, cathy, marco, mica, bam, paolo, boom, fay, lyra, mic, eyron, bel, and nelz. and how it was working with them, how at times thigns would be difficult but we'd understand each other and our work. great times. i'd definitely make an effort to keep in touch with them!

a bit of a tan

2006-03-09T20:09:00.000+08:00

i had a horrible friday last week! work, an anxiety attack, puffy eyes, emotions going overboard. luckily i had a dinner date with raquel so i was able to vent and talk out my feelings. then on a whim i said let's go to the beach! and she agreed and the thing is, we actually went to the beach on sunday!

when we left it was drizzling but i kept my fingers crossed that the weather would clear. and on the road whenever the sun would peek through the clouds i'd cheer. good thing raquel and russel (her fiance) didn't find me annoying!

but we finally got there and i could slightly feel the warmth of the sun on my arms or maybe it was wishful thinking? after the welcome drink we went swimming, well actually raquel got pushed around by the waves and i watched her onthe shore. but i slathered on the tanning lotion and sat back laughing at her.

although the sun wasn't at it's hottest and burning temp i was able to get away with a bit of a tan...

but i really enjoyed that day! i was able to relax and the resort we went to virgina's at batangas was really nice and the food was yummy. wouldn't mind going there again ;-)

philosophy

2006-03-07T13:42:00.000+08:00

it's been a while! sucks that i don't have a computer so i'm not able to regularly go online. oh well! but i've come up with a philosophy - the only thing in life that should be stressful is work!

all the relationships and situations should be things that make you happy and help you enjoy life more :) coz it kinda sucks having to go through life thinking and being harassed. so i've decided that if there are things that stress me out i should do my best to get over it or avoid it.

then again whatever happens to me or the way that i allow things to affect me is totally up to me. so no more worries, as much as possible. one thing i've been doing is at the end of the day, right before going to sleep, i list things that i'm glad i did or happened. go to sleep with happy thoughts! :-)

work is work

2006-02-06T21:20:00.000+08:00

i can say i love what i do for a living, working in TV production, but sometimes you feel you can kill yourself or your workmates.

and i wonder when i become my own boss if there will still be days when i'll feel that urge to scream and shout in frustration or rebellion. knowing myself there probably will be...haha.

understanding people and trying to get along with others is such an important part of working. either you're mature, bitchy, moody, anything! and how you decide how to react to others determines how your working environment will be.

one thing i can say now is that my work is a test to my maturity. that i consciously decide how to react or when to react. and sometimes it's such a burden. isn't it fun to just wallow in what you feel and not give a damn about the repercussions? but then again the consequences...it's a vicious cycle!

shopping

2006-02-06T21:08:00.000+08:00

i was kinda on a shopping binge. i bought 3 pairs of shoes, 2 jackets, 3 pairs of pants, 5 tops, socks, underwear and a pair of earrings. the most i've bought in the past 3-4 months. because i finally finished the payments on my nano and digicam!

grabe...i don't know what got into me. it's just that i reviewed my wardrobe and realized a lot of my stuff was old already. and i sorta feel guilty coz even if the stuff didn't really cost an arm and a leg it was still a lot! hmmm i really need it?!

why is it that it feels good to shop? an adrenaline rush of sorts...

catching up

2006-02-01T12:02:00.000+08:00

it's a month into the new year and my life is really different!

the biggest thing is that i go out and spend time with my mom. and within january my mom met charles, mike and anne. three people that i have spent a lot of time with the past 2 years (time that i didn't spend with my mom).

i went to a fitting for the wedding of a high school friend, Michelle. once again i'm a bridesmaid. my dress is in shades of pink, i'm hoping it will fit me well! i'm thinking that this is some sort of rite of passage for me...it's the third time i'm going to be a bridesmaid!

second biggest is my job! i'm still in tv production but it's different coz i actually get to produce segments - go out on shoots, brainstorm, edit. i'm having fun again and enjoying what i'm doing (again!)

along with the new job is more time for myself! as much as possible i end my work day by 530pm plus i have my weekends. then i go to the gym, i'm happy i can work out - was beginning to feel icky. or i go home and rest or watch tv. i haven't been able to do this for more than a year. i'd usually get home late and go straight to bed. but now i can actually lounge around and do nothing! and if they're free, i go and meet friends.

i love how this year's beginning! :)

10 things

2006-01-04T18:32:00.000+08:00

here are 10 things that i'm glad happened last year:

1. i was able to talk to my mom and dad as an adult talking to her parents and not as a child trying to talk to her mom and dad.

2. i was able to TRAVEL! i made it my goal to go around the Philippines. And i was able to go to Boracay, Kinabuhayan Cafe (Quezon), Puerto Princesa (Palawan), Bohol, Cebu, Davao, Camiguin.

3. i joined a gym!

4. i was able to buy a digicam and an ipod! (meaning i actually had money to spend!)

5. my social life was different this year, but i still went out a lot. i'm glad i was able to control myself more this year!

6. i realized that i've changed, became more mature. i can say i am a woman now.

7. i found the courage to leave the comfort of NMI and try a new job.

8. i made an effort to see old friends!

9. I started reading again.

10. i learned how to do things on my own, be more independent. Live alone, watch a movie, go malling...

when a friend asked me what things made me happy in 2004, i found it hard to think up of 10 things immediately. and that made me think that that's not right! so that's why last month i was thinking of 10 things so that i could end 2005 right and look back on it happily.

and then when anne, mike and i were out i asked them what their 10 things were and they couldn't give me the list. it took us about an hour or so thinking but finally they came up with theirs.

it's funny how we can immediately list the things that make us unhappy! and how hard it is to think of the things that made us happy.

my mom

2005-12-28T18:08:00.000+08:00

okay so my mom and i have always had a love-hate relationship. she's the person i love the most in the world and because of that she can really make me feel so much.

in the past year it's been anger.

but today i sucked it up and asked her out to lunch. i thought it would be awkward but it wasn't! we spent the hour talking and catching up. it was like seeing a good friend for the first time in a long time.

i'm glad i did it. at least things are not so weird anymore. but i wouldn't say everthing is back to normal.

i think i have to handle my mom differently now. maybe act like more of an adult than a child. coz i'd like this "truce" to continue. i like having her in my life...

i've resigned!

2005-12-28T17:48:00.000+08:00

so my sched has been crazy coz of work...all my sundays last november were devoted to studio shoots. the rest of the week editing or getting ready for the shoot on sunday. i was not happy!

then i got an offer to do a show...i'd be a segment producer. i guess that's why i've decided to take it. at the office christmas party the President of NMI announced that i was moving on and made a side comment that i'd be welcome back at nmi and that working for GMA7 is better than RPN9. hmm that's not the point!

i took the offer coz

1) i'm gonna be a segment producer for a weekly show. (less work!)

2) i'm gonna get a bit more than what i'm getting now (more money!)

3) it's gonna be creative instead of just bugging people to get their segments done (i'll be creative!)

but don't get me wrong, i love/d working for NMI

1) the people were unbelievably fun and easy to work with

2) i loved being part of the txtube team

3) i actually got a bonus, so christmas is fun ;-)

but i'm glad i made the decision. my PUM asked me what if i was given a counter offer, would i accept it? i said i hope they don't give me one. it's time for me to move on. but i'd like to do freelance stuff for them!

i'll definitely miss the people i've worked with for the past year...

dehydration

2005-11-17T00:48:00.000+08:00

so after a month of nonstop working my body finally broke down and gave up on me. last monday i didn't go to work, not cause there was nothing to do but because i was either in the bathroom or asleep in my bed. after a whole day of this i decided it was about time that i went to the hospital.

turns out i was dehydrated. who knew that being dehydrated would make you go to the bathroom and be feverish and have an achy bod? i thought it was all about being thirsty! so after a couple of hours on an IV i was discharged.

but did i get to rest the following day? NO!!!! still had to get my dizzy ass out of bed and to the office. to supervise the edit of that night's airing. woohoo ang saya saya :-)

i was saying to myself that i would only do the edit and get myself back to bed. wishful thinking on my part. i still had to archive and prepare the PCs for the digitizing and transferring of material so that my SPs could do their work. my PUM was asking me about the edit schedule. my brain shut down at that point, sorry can't help you out. luckily she wasn't at her wits end to do it on her own.

since there wasn't any back up betacam copies of the first three episodes of the show on betacam, i couldn't archive the materials. so guess what? i had to stay for another three hours (give or take) to make betacam copies. by the time i was done i could hear the OBB of the show. it was already airing time - 11pm!!!!! grrr

but i had already told the PUM not to expect me on wednesday. no more, put my foot down. have to rest. but still there were the calls and texts.

GOSH...

everyone is wondering how long we're gonna last. but at least there's more than 10 of us in the team now. but then again there are so many segments to the new show. so it's kinda the same but different. we'll see...

Roses

2005-10-26T02:27:00.000+08:00

At the birthday party of our boss a waiter came up to me and gave me a bouquet of roses. From someone (an officemate), I don't know who. I took the roses, placed it on the table and left it there.

most girls would be flattered right? Not me. Because I'm not interested in anyone in the office and I don't care to give whoever false hope. Plus I think that if you're going to give me flowers at an office party for everyone to see you're doing it to look good in front of your friends. The act wasn't done to make me feel special, it was done to give you an ego boost.

and of course after that once in a while people would say that I have an admirer and to tell you the truth it totally annoys me. Coz didn't I make it clear that I'm not interested?! and if i find out who that person is, i'll totally be a bitch to him. that's just the way i am. i won't give him the reason to think there's any chance whatsoever.

geez...I write about being single but then when someone shows something I can't appreciate it. I know this is what you're thinking. But I don't believe in getting involved with people you work with. Office romances always result in gossip or tsismis. I don't need that thank you very much.

and to tell you the truth I'm really not interested in anyone in my office. That's the bottom line. So if you work with me don't talk to me about it if you don't want me to snap at you. Coz I've reached my threshold. The gloves are off baby.

self help

2005-10-26T02:19:00.000+08:00

so i got over how upset i was with the friend who told me she was getting married without telling me. hhaayy naku! i'd rather have a friend then drop the friendship because of how i feel.

so we met and she started drilling me about my love life or lack of love life. well i really don't have one. i have gay friends...who i can talk to and enjoy myself - without the sexual tension.

while we were at a bookstore she proceeds to buy a book for me - a self help on dating.

after reading the first few chapters i decide that i should try it out...on wanggo. haha ;-)

in the book it said that we should view dating as a way to get to know people and not the way to hook a mate. i thought of wanggo coz i want to pair him with someone, but he doesn't want to try going out with that person coz the person "looks nice" and he'll "just ruin them." so i told him what the book preaches and he agreed.

i guess i twisted his arm again...just like i've done in a lot of the blogs of his that i'm part of. well anyway he's gonna be my guinea pig and he wants to date two people before the year ends. and if my track record of twisting his arm remains the same, he'll enjoy himself. we'll see...

so i guess the my friends plan backfired! coz i'm not the one who is gonna end up with a date! sorry dear, maybe next time! :-)

It's been a year

2005-10-26T02:09:00.000+08:00

It's been a year since the most telenobela events of my life occurred. Sorry would rather not write about it. coz this blog isn't anonymous and I really don't need people that I work with and those friends who don't know about what I went through actually be able to talk about it.

suffice it to say it has resulted to my mom and I not talking and things being weird. With my stepmother always asking how I am and how things are at home with my mom.

with friends asking about one of my sisters' first year wedding anniversary. But in the back of their minds remembering what happened while I was in the States for that wedding.

have I moved on? Slowly, a bit I have. But not totally. It's kind of weird. Don't know what to think about it. Still living with the repercussions of my actions. Am I wholly to blame, no I don't think so. But I do and have to take responsibility for my actions. Oh well...How many years more to come?

Strong Name

2005-10-03T16:10:00.000+08:00

I was out with a college friend, Lei, the other week. I met up with her and her officemates. After a couple of drinks we decided to go dancing.

We were at a club and Lei's friend are the type that guys go up to, while Lei and I are the opposite. But to our surprise a guy came up to me. He introduced himself and asked for my name. I told him and he said,"that's a strong name." What? Did he just say that? That's something my dad would say. Well anyway I brushed it off and we started dancing.

His friend came our way and this guy asked for Lei's name and introduced her to his friend. Then he turns to me and looks at me. I look back at him and wait. Now he has this look of embarrassment on his face. Okay. "You forgot my name?" I say. He nods. I look at his friend and introduce myself.

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha can you believe it?! He gives me a line - That's a strong name and forgets it the next minute.

Guys!

CLOSING CYCLES

2005-09-20T13:47:00.000+08:00

this makes sense to me right now, it's just that i can't up and leave. still feel a responsibility to some things...

CLOSING CYCLES by Paolo Coelho

One always has to know when a stage comes to an end. If we insist on staying longer than the necessary time, we lose the happiness and the meaning of the other stages we have to go through.

Closing cycles, shutting doors, ending chapters whatever name we give it, what matters is to leave in the past the moments of life that have finished.

Did you lose your job? Has a loving relationship come to an end? Did you leave your parents' house? Gone to live abroad? Has a long-lasting friendship ended all of a sudden?

You can spend a long time wondering why this has happened. You can tell yourself you won't take another step until you find out why certain things that were so important and so solid in your life have turned into dust, just like that.

But such an attitude will be awfully stressing for everyone involved: your parents, your husband or wife, your friends, your children, your sister, everyone will be finishing chapters, turning over new leaves, getting on with life, and they will all feel bad seeing you at a standstill.

None of us can be in the present and the past at the same time, not even when we try to understand the things that happen to us. What has passed will not return: we cannot forever be children, late adolescents, sons that feel guilt or rancor towards our parents, lovers who day and night relive an affair with someone who has gone away and has not the least intention of coming back.

Things pass, and the best we can do is to let them really go away. That is why it is so important (however painful it maybe!) to destroy souvenirs, move, give lots of things away to orphanages, sell or donate the books you have at home. Everything in this visible world is a manifestation of the invisible world, of what is going on in our hearts and getting rid of certain memories also means making some room for other memories to take their place.

Let things go. Release them. Detach yourself from them. Nobody plays this life with marked cards, so sometimes we win and sometimes we lose. Do not expect anything in return; do not expect your efforts to be appreciated, your genius to be discovered, your love to be understood. Stop turning on your emotional television to watch the same program over and over again, the one that shows how much you suffered from a certain loss: that is only poisoning you, nothing else.

Nothing is more dangerous than not accepting love relationships that are broken off, work that is promised but there is no starting date, decisions that are always put off waiting for the ideal moment. Before a new chapter is begun, the old one has to be finished: tell yourself that what has passed will never come back. Remember that there was a time when you could live without that thing or that person. Nothing is irreplaceable. A habit is not a need. This may sound so obvious, it may even be difficult, but it is very important.

Closing cycles. Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because that no longer fits your life. Shut the door, change the record, clean the house, shake off the dust. Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

Stop being who you were, and change into who you are.

Sorta Kilig Moment

2005-09-19T20:32:00.000+08:00

I was out and having a horrible time. I was at a rave and venue was horrible. It was hot and humid and tons of people showed up. The DJ couldn't keep the music up. It would be good then drop. Ack...

I had about two drinks then I dragged my friends out. Thank God it was cool outside. Two of my friends decided to go to a club. I couldn't leave the friend I was with, he was the one that gave a me a ticket. And he wanted to stay. But I couldn't act like I was enjoying myself. I kept saying sorry. And he understood.

Grudgingly I went back in and decided that I was going to enjoy the night. I just needed to be drunk to do it. God! A round of drinks please.

Surprisingly a number of friends I haven't seen were there. It was good to see them and catch up (a bit0. And right when I was starting to enjoy myself, one of the roving waiters with a bucket full of ice and beer dropped his bucket. Right beside me, and water came rushing toward me. And I was in flip flops. Yes.

Grrr. My friend immediately pulled me aside. Too late. He could see I was not a happy raver. Berna wipe your feet on my pants. What? Wipe your feet on my pants. Are you sure? Yes, I'll have the pants washed. So there we were right by the entrance, my hand on his shoulder and I was wiping my feet on his pants. You are such a friend!

Another drink please! And then I saw this guy I've been crushing on. He is so hot, lust runs through me whenever I see him. HHAAYYYY! Sorry po, tao lang po.

So I'm officially tipsy and my friend gives me a vodka red bull. Half way through it I don't notice the heat, the humidity, the crowd of people. I am enjoying myself. My friend asks me to go in front of the DJ. I agree and start off into the crowd.

But I have an ulterior motive. I wanna see HIM. I spot him and stop behind to group that he's in. And I know I won't be seen. So I motion to my friends and move closer. As in a person away. I keep him in my peripheral vision. So how is this a sorta kilig moment? He was looking around and when he saw me he took a good look. Yes. Sorta kilig moment nga eh.

Buti na lang mababaw ako ;-)

Apartment

2005-09-19T20:20:00.000+08:00

I'm living alone. All by myself in an apartment.

But I think it's just a technicality. Coz it's still in the same compound as my mom's house. And I'm living there for free.

A background: my mom and I haven't been getting along for a year now. Our relationship really just fell apart. Patong patong na yung galit namin sa isa't isa.

Earlier this year I was hoping that my friends and I would get a place together. But that plan fell through. So I've continued living at home, and not talking to my mom.

About a month ago my mom comes up to me and tells me to move my stuff to one of the vacant apartments. She's gonna have the house repaired.

I couldn't believe my ears. I'd secretly been wishing for her to do this.

And the apartment is furnished. Which I didn't expect. And she recently gave me a TV. But we're still not talking. I find it so weird. A friend told me that I'll probably see car keys next. But that I totally doubt! Then again...haha

Could it be said that she's trying to make up for things by letting me stay in the apartment and giving me things. But not actually talking to me. Diba ang weird? I really don't know what to make of it.

I've learned to accept what is given to me. And I'm enjoying living alone. It's stress free :-)

I Know Why You Didn't Go...

2005-09-19T20:09:00.000+08:00

"I Know Why You Didn't Go..." said in a singsong voice.

It's what someone would say if they were teasing you. Surprisingly I wasn't annoyed when a friend said this to me. Buti na lang cute siya! ;-)

The event was the baptism of the daughter of a friend of ours. And he was referring to an ex. The whole ex and me is a long story. Which I will never type and let everyone see. So let your imaginations go wild.

I know why you didn't go. He was there.

That wasn't the reason why I didn't go. I wasn't invited.

A look of shock registers on his face.

Our friend told me that there would be a baptism. When I greeted her a happy birthday earlier that week she thanked me. An invitation didn't follow. So the night before the baptism I ask a common friend if he was invited. He said yeah. I told him I hadn't received a text. He said maybe because most likely the ex will be going.

Ouch. I wasn't invited because they were going? I don't want that to be a reason. I'm hoping it's cause it slipped their mind to invite me.

But then again everyone was invited. Hmm... Oh well. Just venting...

Letting It Being Known Without Saying It

2005-09-19T19:49:00.000+08:00

I saw Romeo Luvs Jew'lhiett at the CCP, performed by Tanghalang Pilipino. It's their take on the classic, making it easier for Pinoys to relate to coz it's in Filipino and very jologs.

But that's not what I'm going to write about. I invited my friend, to go with me. We had met a month earlier and I left my umbrella in her car. I had been bugging her and she had time to meet me that Sunday.

I don't know why but I think that she has a hard time telling me things. Coz during the intermission she said that she had a favor to ask of me. What was it? She wanted me to be her wedding coordinator. Without actually saying that she is engaged. As simply as "Can you be my wedding coordinator? Don't worry may compensation naman e."

"WHAT?!" of course I didn't say that out loud. I told her I couldn't commit, especially for an event like that. Coz I'm not a wedding planner and my work schedule is erratic. I might not be able to do her justice. But I did offer to help her out in anyway I could.

A month earlier she had told me that since she had gotten back together with her boyfriend their relationship was going really well. I said as long as she's happy, I'm okay with it. She then told me that she's thinking of marrying him, that they're making plans. I said as long as she's happy, I'm okay with it.

Then when her boyfriend showed up he announced that he was going to her house tomorrow para mamanhikan. WHAT?! Then a month later she asks me to be her wedding planner without actually telling me that she was engaged. Again.

I really don't know what to think. I don't even know if I'm really happy for her. Coz all I've heard about her relationship are negative things. I JUST DON"T KNOW. But I don't wanna rain on her parade. So I'll be here waiting for stories/updates on her life.

An officemate told me that once your girlfriends get married it's hard to keep in touch with them. I think that is a possibility since we don't see each other now. I guess in a way I'm saying good bye to our friendship. Coz I can't really say that I actually know her. We've shared experiences in the past, but that was like a year ago or more. Nothing recent. So she was part of my life, but not anymore.

It makes me sad, but what can I do? People change. I'll still try to go out with her and find out about her life now. I don't see her as what she was to me. As I'm writing this I'm surprised that I'm not crying. It shows that I've moved on and accepted what is.

How sad.

Music in My Life

2005-08-24T14:59:00.000+08:00

I went to Rockestra last Friday, 6 OPM rock bands performed with the Manila Symphony Orchestra. I’m pretty sure it was a first for the Philippine music scene and I was thrilled to have seen it.

I found out about Rockestra through an email from a Segment Producer I used to work with. The following day I told my teammates in Txtube about the concert and they all agreed that it was definitely something Live Out Loud that we had to feature. We called the organizers and asked for permission to shoot the event.

I loved Imago’s performance the most. Aia’s voice is unbelievable, even when hitting the high notes her face was so relaxed. You knew that singing was something that came easily to her.

I was reminded how much I miss singing, coz I used to be part of the UP Manila Chorale. Mind you my voice is not beautiful, but I can carry a tune! I was classified under the Alto section, and sometimes even Alto 2! So I’m no songbird.

This got me thinking on how music has been part of my life in one way or another.

My mom told me that when I was little in the States she would hang out with friends in a Pinoy resto and there was a karaoke machine. After dinner I would go on stage and start singing, my favorite was the Greatest Love of All by Whitney Houston.

Then when I came to live here in the Philippines, Miss Saigon and Lea Salonga was all the rage. So my friends and I would sing and act out the musical.

When I went back to the States, I went to public school and my mom found out about the music program of my school. She signed me up for Orchestra and bought a violin for me. Since violins are kinda expensive we tried our luck at a pawnshop and we struck gold! There was a Stradivarius remake, and I think we got it for $200. This was back in 1990 so it was really cheap!

I liked playing the violin, even with the stigma that those in Orchestra were nerds and dorks. I could care less coz it was a source of pride for me. I even played in the All-City concert, where select students were chosen by their conductors to represent the school. After my first year of playing I went to my Dad’s for summer vacation. The day after I left my mom received a letter inviting me to a summer program with a music institute. Shit! I was already in Sacramento and couldn’t go…

I continued playing the Violin through middle school until I moved back to the Philippines for high school. Once I got here I signed up for private lessons, but the tutor wasn’t nice and I lost interest. I started turning to singing and since I could read notes and know what note to sing, it was easy. So I joined St. Scho’s high school choir and in college tried out for the UP Manila Chorale.

When I started working I found it hard to go to practices since it was in Manila and I worked in Makati or Quezon City. But now I find myself working for a TV show that’s all about OPM music – Txtube! Music is still very much part of my life.

And since Txtube promotes Pinoy bands and anything to do with music, I’ve learned to appreciate Orignial Pilipino Music. And it’s reminded that Filipinos are really talented musicians and that we should listen to our music just as much as we listen to western music.

Fiance

2005-08-22T20:37:00.000+08:00

There were four of us in our barkada in high school - Michelle, Monica, Raquel and Me.

I met Monica in the 6th grade when we were both actors in our grade's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream. I was Helena; she was the fairy queen Titania. Michelle was a classmate of mine that I begun to hang out with towards the end of the year. The following year we were still classmates and had lunch together till I left for the States.

When a summer vacation of mine became living here in the Philippines, I applied and was accepted as a sophomore at St. Scho. There was a section that could accommodate one more student, and so I became the last student of 2A.

Monica and Michelle were also in the same section so I immediately started hanging out with them. While in 1st year they were also classmates and Raquel was part of their barkada. So we became a quartet. And even though we weren't classmates in our junior and senior years we made it a point to hang out once in a while.

Seeing each other became even harder when we got to university. It was reduced to birthday dinners. Monica and Michelle were best friends and neighbors so they talked a lot. While Raquel and I were close so we'd see each other often. Same thing after college, but last year Monica moved to the US. We all gathered to wish her luck, swap stories and cry.

I haven't heard much from Monica, so I check her Friendster account every so often. I was so surprised to see her status - Married. So I call Michelle asking her what's happening and she explains about this guy that Monica's talking to and that No she isn't married. I was relieved!

Michelle and I catched up and then she told me that she had to tell me something:

M: I'm getting married!

B: What?! I'm old na!

She had been engaged to her boyfriend of 4 years last June. I wasn't really surprised that she had gotten engaged, I always thought of her as the marrying kind. I even predicted that she, then Raquel, then Monica, then I would be the order that we'd get married.

We promised that we'd get together soon and have dinner. Of course months passed and no such thing happened.

It had been a while since I had heard from Raquel so one night I called her and we made plans to meet the next day. That day Raquel told me that Michelle would be joining us later; I was happy coz we'd finally have a girl’s night out. We catched up, sharing stories about our Moms and problems (or sometimes lack of problems) with boys. She had also told me that her relationship with her boyfriend was better and that they were preparing for the future together.

I thought that Michelle would be alone but she had brought her fiancé with her. Hmm...I couldn't share with her the things I'd been going through coz I wasn't all that comfortable with her soon to be husband. Then Raquel's boyfriend shows up. Grrr! I'm not a person that can talk easily about myself with people I don't know well. I mean I know that Michelle and Raquel would talk to the guys about what happened and that's fine with me. But I can't tell them myself about my issues in life!

Anyway, we were having dinner when all four start talking about wedding plans and how to go about it.

Wait a minute. Raquel never told me that they were engaged! And the guy announces that the following day he'll be asking her Dad for her hand in marriage. What?!

There I am surrounded by 2 couples talking about their wedding plans. I wasn't feeling self pity at the fact that I don't have a boyfriend or a wedding in the near future. I just wished that the 2 guys weren't there so that I could have quality time with my friends whom I haven't seen in the longest time and ask them the things I wanted to know about. Plus the fact that Raquel didn't tell me that they were engaged, just that they were making plans. Those are two different things right?

HHHAAAAYYYY!

Oh well. I'm hoping I can see either of them soon. Alone. Good luck sa akin! ;-)

Mercury in Retrograde

2005-08-05T20:08:00.000+08:00

When Mercury is in retrograde, technology is affected. So true! Because the computer we use for airing txtube conked out on us!

Since I was out sick (refer to previous blog entry) I didn’t know that the RTX machine was acting up. When I got back to work we had a studio shoot so I was clueless.

The shoot ended earlier than expected so I was happy. But when it was time to preview the show for airing I couldn’t coz the machine was shutting down on its own. So at around 1030 we decided to shut down the machine and let it rest. Keeping our fingers crossed that it would turn on. Luckily it did and our tech boys assured us that we could air.

Then came the actual airing and we could hear the audio but there was no video. NO, NO, NO! We had to stop airing and on came the GMA logo. One of the systems boys joked that we were privileged, coz we were the first to use the logo. It had been redesigned. Yeah, ha ha.

Anyway we decided to try again and when we hit the play button, the show resumed. But it didn’t start from the top, but from where we cut it off earlier. OH MY GOD.

Since Txtube is a texting show, the tech boys were trying to get the texting program up. I told them that it wasn’t necessary, but they had to try. They were fiddling with the wires when the video flickered and the screen turned black. I was like no more texting! We don’t need it, it’s better to have the show on air. We don’t need the texting!

After that I couldn’t stay in the booth anymore. I got their word that they would let the show air as is. Then I went back to the office.

Funny thing was our rating for that night was 3.8! That’s high for a Wednesday night at our time slot. Our team was so proud! Roughly 200,000 people tuned in to see the show. Then again it means that 200,000 people witnessed our technical difficulties!

But with the RTX machine out of commission one of our editing machines had to be transferred to take its place. And up came another one of our perennial problems – disk drive space. A lot of our files of past episodes had to be transferred to another computer. So I gave a list of files to be transferred. When I checked the files, that of Xtig karting, there was a folder but it was empty! No one could explain how or why it happened. Now all we have is a VHS copy of the segment. Poof! Gone!

Needless to say, Thursday and Friday’s airing was more of the same. That was a really stressful week. So far the computers have been nice to us. Now it’s back to the normal level of stress! Thank God!

intense stomach pain

2005-08-05T20:07:00.000+08:00

I had barely gotten any sleep when I woke up with a piercing pain. My stomach really hurt! Did I have to go to the bathroom? No. Did I have gas? Nope. But the pain wouldn’t go away. I even tried lying in a position that my sister claims to help alleviate stomach pain. You have to lie face down and then bend your knees so that your ass is up in the air. Sorry Sis, it doesn’t work!

So after 4 hours of wondering why I was in so much pain I throw up. That’s it! I wasn’t going to be in pain and smell horrible too. Luckily I didn’t feel like throwing up again so I got dressed and went to Makati Med.

By then the pain was still there but I was shaking. The doctor checked me and gave me antacid. I was like – what this is just an upset stomach?! Why does it hurt so damn much? But of course this was all in my head…hehe

Still the pain was there and I couldn’t stop shaking. Finally the doctor decided to give me pain killers, but since my stomach was acting up, they had to inject the pain killers. I don’t know what they call the contraption they attached to my hand. But it hurt! Pretty soon I fell asleep, so I knew that I was better.

Before I left the doctor gave me a prescription and informed me that I have gastritis. According to the fact sheet that I was given:

It’s a stomach irritation often caused by medication, alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, spicy or acidic food, skipping of meals and emotional stress. Symptoms are stomach pain at the upper portion of the abdomen sometimes felt as a crampy/burning sensation, indigestion, nausea and vomiting.

Out of the things that cause irritation nicotine and medication are the only things that are not on my list. For the symptoms I felt everything but nausea that morning.

I left the hospital and got my prescription, and bought C2 so I could take my meds. When I got home I lay down and a couple of minutes later I threw up. What did I throw up? The C2! At least this time the vomit wasn’t foul tasting. Haha

So I reread the fact sheet. I have to stay away from spicy food, acidic fruit juices, softdrinks, coffee, tea, milk and milk products.

Whoops! C2 is iced tea, wow instant reaction…

I’ve always said that diets don’t work for me coz I love to eat. If I want to lose weight I have to resort to working out. But ever since I started working I can easily come up with a reason or excuse not to go to the gym. But now that’s not the case!

I really can’t eat a lot of the things I usually enjoy - softdrinks, tea, milk and milk products. And do you know what composes most of the milk and milk products? Dessert! Ugh. I have a sweet tooth. I love dessert.

And now I have to make sure that I eat when I feel hungry. I don’t want to miss meals, so I’m trying to get myself use to eating small meals, but frequently.

So there is a silver lining after all? We’ll see…

Reflexive Pronouns

2005-07-14T21:02:00.000+08:00

I was able to catch an episode of One Tree Hill and Haley and Nathan were talking. And somehow the writers were able to work in when it's right to use "Peyton and I" and "Peyton and me" in a sentence.

Hmm...I couldn't figure it out! Well grammar wasn't a really strong subject of mine back in school. So I asked my officemate, he couldn't tell me either. Not good! Not good! We're both writers and we don't know what's the proper usage!

Well our little chat disturbed him and later on in the day he emails me. The subject: Reflexive Pronouns.

So for all of you that don't know what the heck a Reflexive Pronoun is or maybe you just need a refresher, here's the email...

Reflexive Pronoun Errors

Reflexive pronouns are a prime target for errors, and once you know how to use them correctly, you'll no doubt notice others using them incorrectly all the time. One of the most common errors is using a reflexive pronoun instead of a personal pronoun. This most often happens where the writer (or speaker) is uncertain whether to use a subjective pronoun (I, he, they) or an objective pronoun (me, him, them). Consider the following groups of sentences:

Keith and myself went swimming yesterday.
Keith and I went swimming yesterday.
Keith and me went swimming yesterday.

The show was successful because Trish and myself worked so hard.
The show was successful because Trish and I worked so hard.
The show was successful because Trish and me worked so hard.

Mother wanted Lisa and myself to be the winners
Mother wanted it to be Lisa and me to be the winners.
Mother wanted it to be Lisa and I to be the winners.

In each of the above groups, the middle sentence is the correct one. "Myself" doesn't work in any of them because there is no antecedent (in these cases, no other instance of me or I or the proper noun those pronouns substitute for) in the same sentence. The kind of usage illustrated by the first sentence of each group is becoming more common, though. It still seems lazy to me (and a writer should never be lazy where language is concerned), but it may well be acceptable English in the future.

You and I now know how to use Reflexive Pronouns! ;)

movies

2005-07-14T20:41:00.000+08:00

I noticed that once I started working, whenever I went out to watch a movie it had to be something light. I can't stand staying in a theater and watch something heavy, it stresses me out!

And before I used to like a movie coz of the artists and the story. But ever since I started working for TV production my basis for a good movie has changed.

Of course if the story is funny or moves me, it's undeniably good. Now there are other considerations. Like if the lighting and cinematography is good. The shots or angles that were taken. The treatment. The casting - sometimes some actors just can't hack it, other times it's like they were meant for that role.

I guess piracy has helped me mature. Now there are so many movies to choose from, I'm not limited to whatever commercial release the movie houses have. And there are my friends who love to watch movies, and know what they're talking about whenever we have our discussions.

Wala lang. I just discovered this major change in me...

poppy seeds

2005-07-14T20:32:00.000+08:00

Was channel surfing the other night and I came upon the Discovery Channel. There were really tight shots of guys eating poppy seed cake and bagels, for some reason it caught my attention. Turns out the show was Myth Busters and they were seeing if you could fail a drug test for HEROIN if you eat anything with poppy seeds in it.

The answer? YES YOU CAN! And there have been people who have lost their jobs because of "false positives." Coz heroin can be derived from poppy seeds. (But to get a high you'll probably need pounds and pounds of the seeds!) Imagine that a minimal amount of poppy seeds in that piece of cake or bagel will make a drug test result positive?

And the trace amounts remain in your blood stream for more than a day! So if you're gonna be tested, make sure not to eat anything with poppy seeds in it!

Anxiety Attack

2005-06-28T21:38:00.000+08:00

Two weeks ago I was faced with a situation that I thought I would never have to live through. And the possibility of what could happen at the event totally shook me. I was crying and shaking and I had to try something so that I could evade someone.

I remember that I would get this sinking feeling in the past and be afraid. But this time it was a hundred times worse. The prospect of being embarassed in front of my friends and other people at the party really scared me.

I felt sad after the party coz it was a chance for me to catch up with friends I hadn't seen in months. But I couldn't stay, I just couldn't.

Affected

2005-06-10T21:36:00.000+08:00

It's weird how people can affect you.

If you just see a person, you could be instantly attracted. Even more so if the person looks at you in a way that makes you melt.

Or you could talk to someone and find out that you have tons of things in common. And that you were stupid for not giving that person a chance.

Then again you could be given the chance to talk to someone and get this sinking feeling that you're initial reaction was totally baseless and lustful. ;) haha

I realized that I have never actually been the one to make the first move when it comes to relationships. Sure there are ways to let the guy know that you're attracted. Smiling is one, and since I hardly ever smile that's a sure way to know that I like you!

But I've always waited for the guy to pick up on the vibe I'm giving. And if he does, that's when I put in the effort to talk to him and flirt. But if the guy does realize that I like him but doesn't even talk to me or SOMETHING I just leave it at that. Which can be totally frustrating!!!!

I don't know if it's my pride, but I can't do all the initial work. I have to be encouraged, I guess reassurance that I won't get rejected. Or it could be that I know how guys talk. That it's a big deal if the girl is the one to make the move. It's bragging rights. I don't want to be a topic.

That's one of the reasons why I'm still single. Is this quality of mine a blessing or a curse?

Tricked

2005-06-10T21:23:00.000+08:00

I was tricked into doing something I really DIDN'T want to do. But I was told that I had to do it. So off I went. Turns out that I didn't even have to go. I doubt if I was really welcomed. How horrible is that?!

You don't really wanna do something and it's plausible that I wasn't even necessary there...I felt bad that I was duped.

But I let that moment slide. Why make a fuss about it? If this happened to me before (when I couldn't control my temper, imagine I can actually control myself now!!!!) there would have been a big confrontation. But now I think twice of exerting so much negative energy. I don't need it on top of the stress of my job.

Now I just hope that it won't happen again. Keeping my fingers crossed, but at the same time feeling doubtful. :-(

life

2005-05-17T02:20:00.000+08:00

Today I found out that a friend of mine is getting married in two weeks. I was surprised coz I knew that she and her boyfriend had plans of getting married this year, but that it wasn't likely that it would push through. It turns out that she's pregnant! Four months pregnant. And she wouldn't have known if her doctor hadn't told her. Thank God for doctors!

A couple of weeks back a friend was problematic coz she was pregnant. The guy that got her pregnant was a coward who couldn't handle the responsibility. Plus he broke up with her and ran back to his ex. And if her parents found out about her pregnancy, they would disown her and kick her out. She was really worried when she talked to me. Because of all the stress she was under, she had been bleeding for a couple of days. Her doctor told her that it was likely that she would miscarry.

I looked at her situation and told her that it was obvious that she couldn't keep the baby. Sticking to the pregnancy would bring her heartbreak and problems. Imagine having to raise a child without support from your family or the father and without any money. What would happen to her? I know it sounds selfish, but truthfully, if I was in her situation I'd opt for an abortion.

But because she had been bleeding for a while she miscarried. She was in pain for a whole day and couldn't take pain killers (coz it might affect the fetus.) Her doctor gave her a prescription but while waiting she just had this rush of blood surge out of her. After that the doctor said to go ahead and take pain killers. Later that night she had to pee and out came a clump. Just like that she lost the baby.

Now she seems okay, smiling and talkative but she's lost a lot of weight. And I wonder how affected she is by the whole experience.

After graduation I was trying to keep in touch with friends. But there was this one girl that didn't have the time to meet with me. I would wonder why then just let her be, coz why push her if she can't. Turns out that she was pregnant and didn't want to tell me about it. I have yet to meet her daughter but now she is so proud of her baby girl. Sad thing is she can't stand the father now. And is often upset with his mother for various reasons.

During college I had a friend that got pregnant. The guy that got her pregnant turned out to be gay and isn't much of a father figure. Good thing she had the support of her family. She too is a proud mom, always sharing stories of how smart her son is.

Of course I have friends that got married when they found out they were pregnant. But now they're separated, usually the guys turn out to be absentee fathers. Or else the girls can't stand the family of the guy.

Another friend is seven months pregnant. I saw her recently and she looked so radiant and happy to be pregnant. I would look at her and all I could think was that this is what a person who is content looks like. When she and her husband announced that they were pregnant, we were all so happy for them. I got teary eyed and even now remembering I still get teary eyed. For them it was right that she was pregnant coz they finally had a reason to get married. And they have a good relationship, they understand each other.

I on the other hand can't imagine having a kid. As I mentioned earlier, if I was faced with an unhappy pregnancy that would result in problems, I'd consider having an abortion. Fending for myself is hard enough. Having to worry about a kid and how I would raise it is too big a responsiblity. Most of the time I don't think I could ever have a kid. I think I'd put too much pressure on myself, that my kid would have to be successful in every way.

I've been telling my friends that life is mundane. But this is because we would be talking about love and romance. In that regard we should think that life is simple coz relationships aren't what the media makes it out to be! (Pavlov's Love!) But I take a look at these friends that have been/are pregnant, look at their stories, and life isn't mundane. In one way or another it is a telenobela...

Pavlov's Love

2005-05-09T23:43:00.000+08:00

Ever heard of Pavlov? He's a scientist that did experiments with dogs concerning conditioning. He'd put food in front of a dog and ring a bell, and the dog seeing the food would salivate. Eventually when he'd ring the bell the dog would automatically start drooling. I've actually put this to the test. Coz whenever our dogs at home would hear the clang of metal (i.e. pots on the stove) they would start barking and whining for food.

I was talking to a friend the other night and the topic was unrequited love. I don't know why but I suddenly thought of Pavlov and love. So why Pavlov's Love? Because I think that we humans are conditioned to think that if we don't have a great romance, with all the drama and flowers, we are failures in the love department.

What conditions us are the romantic comedies or movies with love as its central theme and romance novels that we read or watch. A year ago my thinking about love was connected to romance novels. That girls who read those novels by Johanna Lindsey or Judith McNaught, are waiting for their knight in shining armor to whisk them off their feet. Now I've raised the bar and included movies. Films like My Best Friends Wedding or 50 1st Dates, which are 2 of my favorites by the way.

I remember when I was in high school or was maybe it was 6th grade, my mom found me reading one of my sister's Harlequin books. She got mad, took the book from and forbade me to ever read love stories. To me it seemed coz those stories had sex scenes in it. But now, with Pavlov's Love in mind, I think it's coz she didn't want me to view love and relationships in the way those books portrayed it. Why couldn't she just tell me that was the reason?! Shouted I don't want you to get a warped view of love?! (But then again I'm totally assuming why she forbade me to read those books! The truth is I don't really know!)

I find it kind of funny that I view relationships this way, coz I'm what, all of 24. And I've been in one long term relationship and less than a handful short term ones. I don't think I can be called a cynic coz I'm looking forward to the day I find myself falling again. I guess I could be called jaded, in a way, not totally.

Once again I found myself talking to my friends of our lack of a love life. We came to another conclusion! Another realization! This time it concerns the kind of guys that we end up liking. A friend from La Salle ends up liking guys that aren't cultured and can't speak good English. Another is attracted to college kids coz when he went to school he was surrounded by older people, so he didn't experience college with those his age. And yet another friend is attracted to those with stability coz throughout college he was surrounded by party people. And I since I was surrounded by those who were responsible students, I'm attracted to party people.

We can analyze all we want. But the fact is we're still waiting. I guess this is better than just whining about NOT having someone. Or is it?!

meeting again

2005-05-06T14:20:00.000+08:00

a couple of weeks back i had plans with balikbayan friends, Roge & Reign, to meet at embassy. it was a wednesday so it was hip hop night, perfect for Reign coz she doesn't appreciate house music. i also texted pao coz Roge asked about him.

so i found myself outside the club waiting for Pao and he came out with RJ! whom i haven't seen or actually spent time with in months! i was so happy to see him! then eventually Wanggo got there. and Anne, in her usual fashion, fell asleep on us...but this time she woke up and was finally able to make it around 2am. Another friend of ours, Jeremy was there.

it was a reunion of sorts for us! we've all been busy and haven't been able to see each other. i was so happy, it felt like it was a year ago when we'd always go out and have fun. it was also ironic coz i went out to meet new friends but ended up being with old friends.

i guess this was extra special for me coz these are people i consider my family. there was a time that we'd spend our sundays together, and we'd call it our "family day." it made me feel good that we got the chance to be together. it made me appreciate the bond have with those guys.

moving on

2005-04-18T23:56:00.000+08:00

why is that when you've set your mind on moving on the person you're suppose to get over starts popping into your life?

well not directly with you, but with your friends. or you see him. he's on the periphery of your social life. you just start to hear about him.

or he texts or missed calls or some cheap ploy as a mistext?

right when you feel confident and then shit happens and you're thinking about him constantly.

this is the OPPOSITE of a kilig moment!

growing

2005-04-18T23:21:00.000+08:00

after a year of being with my group of friends, my barkada, it seems that we're growing. i don't know if we're growing apart or becoming even closer.

well there's what we call the core group : me, wanggo, paolo and anne, plus mike, charles, japs, ger. and the even bigger barkada : rj, sofy, ayet, and others that we don't get to see as often.

it all began for me when i was going through a breakup, paolo took me under his wing. we worked together and then we started going out a lot. then wanggo became the writer of our show and we started hanging out.

anne came into the picture when we all tried to form an events group. the event was good, but we didn't make any money. so scrap that idea!

then pao, anne and i went to boracay for holy week '04. at the same time mike, charles, rommel & leila were there. they knew pao and pao introduced us to their group. and we all clicked and had a great holy week.

since then numerous people have come in and out of the group. the only major fight that happened was holy week '05 between me and pao. i'd like to think it was just a major misunderstanding plus some other things. but i'd accept it also as a build up on pao's part, for a year of putting up with me. ;-) never seen him that mad. before with a guy named eric, but that guy really had an attitude problem.

between me and the others, asaran lang. short term stuff. hmm are things the same as it was last year? in a way yes, coz we're all still going out. clubbing, dinner, movies.

how are we different? well now all of us actually have a job (except for charles & japs, they're still in school.) but do we have the money to burn? NO!!! but we can still manage to go out and enjoy ourselves.

we're close, but not close to each other in the same way. like anne & i have a certain bond coz we're the only girls in the group! but i haven't seen anne lately coz success with work means less of a social life. wangs & pao are close coz they consider themselves as best friends. mike & i are close now coz we're the ones that are able to go out during the week.

i guess the dynamic now is different...and a bit scary. coz change is hard. oh well. at least we all have work to turn to to make things bearable. in the sense that we can allow ourselves to become distracted with work. and of course, with this group, i think we'll remain friends for a long time.

complaints

2005-04-18T22:27:00.000+08:00

seems that my friends are complaining about work.

Mike - how he can't get along with a client.

Wanggo - how he should be making more money.

Paolo - that he doesn't have a savings even if he has been working.

Anne - she's the exception! lucky girl, she's actually been promoted to Line Producer! ;-)

Other friends are still students or i haven't heard from them. But mostly people complain about how much they earn or their workload.

Me - wanggo and i are in the same boat...

mostly because we work for the same company! i love my job but i really do wish i'd get a big raise - a big, big raise. and i don't think that i'll be getting it. but it would be bearable if we could get more team members. one more E.P. and around 2 S.P.s just for the regular everyday things. for the additional health segment that we're suppose to do, 4 more S.P.s!

i'm looking for people and i've lost 3 potentials! A friend to be the 2nd E.P., an acquaintance to be a S.P., and another acquaintance to be a P.A. and why did i lose them?! Coz of the H.R. Department here in the office.

okay, fine, i understand that there are processes to follow, protocol, etc. but i really don't think that the HR Dept here is prioritizing our team.

Case1
the 2nd E.P. - they made her wait for a long time to be interviewed...she lost interest while waiting for the interview to begin!

Case 2
the S.P. - she got through the interviews but when she was asking the HR when she would have to begin, the HR Assistant ignored her. didn't even answer the text! so she got frustrated and doesn't want to work for us.

Case 3
the P.A. - a month ago he was suppose to be scheduled for an interview, so i gave his resume to the HR Dept. the other week i asked the HR Assistant if he had been interviewed, "nope not yet. will get to it." last night i texted him asking if he had been scheduled, he didn't even reply! so i don't think it's wrong of me to assume that he's not interested?

in a way i understand why the resume may have been overlooked, coz everyone is overworked here! but, HELLO!!!!!, we need more people on the team! grr... and the other departments are growing, while our team is the same it has been since the show started!

with production, usually people are recommended. so they pass their resume and come in for an interview. then that's it, they start working. i guess the procedure is the same here. but the waiting period for the actual interview takes a while. then they have to come back multiple times coz there are a number of people that you have to go through.

so i'll continue to look for S.P.s, somehow, but i hope they'll entertain them! it's so frustrating to exert effort and not get anything in return.

kilig moments 3

2005-04-18T20:10:00.000+08:00

so we pick up wanggo and we go to embassy. we manage to get in for free coz wanggo's friend was at the reception. so house music is playing and wanggo and i are dancing, there wasn't that much people, it was past 3am already.

so time passes and i was talking to wanggo when all of a sudden i feel arms around me. some guy was hugging me! i was in a state of shock...if wanggo was in front of me, then who the hell was this guy?!

Me: Wanggo's who's this guy
W: It's Q

I let out a sigh of relief and turned to face a friend. turns out Q was with C. it wasn't the first time i saw C, it was a couple of months back in some convenince store. Anyway, Q introduces me to C saying that he was the friend that he was recommending for our dating game.

Me: So how come you didn't join the dating game?
C: coz i'm shy
Me: what? how can you be shy when you're a model?
C: yun nga yung mga shy, yung mga models

anyway, super shallow small talk right? but the way he was looking at me...it made me melt. in other words - kinilig ako! hhaaaayyy

funny, in a short span of time a person can make that big of an impression on you.

drunkenness

2005-04-13T02:07:00.000+08:00

i was feeling happy after that kilig moment...

so i continued downing vodka tonics and dancing the night away. til Wanggo dragged me away from the dance floor and i blacked out. couldn't remember a thing after.

as it turns out, i passed out in the car and after the ride to my friends house proceeded to throw up. in the parking lot, elevator, hallway, and finally my friends bathroom. Ger was wondering where all that vomit was coming from!

ugh i had a really bad hang over when i woke up at 3 in the afternoon. (still at my friends house) i checked my phone and found a text from Anne. It was at 4am asking for water and that she was in the bathroom. so i texted her that i had just woken up and how was she?

i don't know who had it worse, me or Anne, coz she ended up asleep in a bathroom stall of Embassy. She awoke to bouncers peering over the stall door "Uh Ma'am we'll be closing soon..." the sun greeted her when she walked out of the club.

well i was sorry for leaving her but at the same time laughing, coz this is the second time she passed out in the bathroom of a club! haha :-D

so i decided to go home and try to sleep off my hang over. coz i had a shoot that night! wasn't looking forward to the possibility of working.

6pm i wake up and still feeling hung over, but i go to work nonetheless. i reach the office, tell my officemates my escapades. next thing i feel like throwing up, so i go to the pantry, where i actually do throw up! good thing there wasn't anything in the sink!

ick...i hate throwing up. it makes me feel dirty. but this time it made me feel dirty but not hung over - anymore. thank god!

anyway i couldn't imagine having a drink that night, so i stuck to iced tea.

but my friends and i ended up going to a club, but not having as much fun. so we decided to go to Embassy (again!) good thing wanggo woke up, so we passed by for him.

which leads me to...

kilig moments 2

2005-04-08T00:17:00.000+08:00

my friends are always saying,"I want a boyfriend." i think that would be nice but i'd rather have someone who will make me feel kilig!

coz there are so many obligations and headaches when you're with someone. and with my workload, i'll probably go crazy. so i've decided that i don't want a boyfriend, i don't want the commitment. but i want the kilig feeling ;-)

so i had a kilig moment one friday at Embassy, a straight dance club (finally!) here in Makati. I was happily tipsy when my friends and i got there. i had just gotten a drink and was walking toward my friends. Then Paolo said hi to X and i told him to reintroduce me to X. Coz X is the ex of an acquaintance and i had not gotten the chance to talk to him before.

so being the dutiful friend that Paolo is, he introduced me again. then Wanggo said hi to X, coz they had previously worked with each other. anyway, X is so much more taller than me! it was nice to have to stand on my toes and lean over just to talk to him.

me: were you at bora(cay) during Holy Week? (though of course i knew he was there! haha)
X: yeah, why did i spritz you? (he was there working for nivea)
me: nope
X: i didn't, why?
me: coz i already had nivea!

and then small talk and dancing...and the highlight of the night

X: hey, do you wanna go with me to Essensa. to my friends place?
me: why? what are we going to do there?
X: swimming...
me: ok! (sure, i'll go with you anywhere you want!!!)
X: but do you have a friend for my friend? (another good looking guy)
me: hold on, i'll look for my friend...

so off i go looking for my girlfriend, Anne, who i couldn't find! grrr... everyone told me that she had gone home! double grr...by the time i got back X was gone. hhaaayyy...

so why was being hit on and picked up a good thing for me? i know that those of you who know me would probably think that i'd hate it. but i've had a crush on this guy since i first saw him. i just love his eyes. and being able to look into them and talk to him was a big thing for me. too bad it ended so soon...we'll see ;-)

senselessness

2005-04-08T00:00:00.000+08:00

blah blah blah don't know what to write. just waiting for mike to finish whatever the hell he's doing. i've been waiting for hmmmmm let's see, almost two hours.

today was an easy day at work. pretty much uneventful. got to work, left the office with rica and pabsy. we were on a mission to buy raspberry yogurt bars! but alas we failed, again. so we bought salad greens instead. wow from junk food to vegetables...

then binky called and asked us to buy a cake for an officemate, Kyko. coz it's kyko's birthday. so off we went to red ribbon to get a chocolate caked laced with thick caramel. goodbye to binky's diet!

it's a tradition of pinoys to treat their friends or officemates to food when it's their birthday. Kyko treated us to pizza from Napoli's and ice cream.

In turn we gave him a cake, which he shared with everyone.

The pizza was really good. the txtube team made a mental note to hold our next dinner meeting at Napoli's. we love food and we noticed that if we eat and hold a meeting at the same time, we're more productive. We call it stress related eating ;-)

now i'm hungry. and kinda tired. waiting to eat and get my second wind. i think mike's on a mission to go clubbing tonight. hmm don't know, we'll see...

Manila Zoo

2005-04-04T22:47:00.000+08:00

We had a shoot at the Manila Zoo last week, our angle was that of advocacy. Joining the Community Service program of the zoo and to promote awareness about the animals.

So the first thing we had the TV host do was prepare food for the animals. Meat for the tigers, fruits and vegetables for the other animals.

Mind you, Manila Zoo is not as complete or grand as other zoos, but almost every animal has a story of their own. How they came to be part of the zoo.

There's Mayna, the mayna bird, the last of 12 birds that were confiscated by the Customs Authority. Coz the birds can only be found in Palawan, and get this, for every 1 mayna bird in a pet store, 5 were killed in the capturing process. Why are mayna's favored as pets? Coz they're our local version of parrots. Whatever they hear they'll repeat.

Anyway, Mayna's the last coz the other 11 were put on display in the zoo. And since mayna birds are territorial they ended killing each other. While Mayna was placed in a cage in the zoo's kitchen.

And there's Bearcat the bearcat. (No I don't know why the zoo names some of the animals this way.) Bearcat used to be a pet, again this is suppose to be a wild animal! And though the animal looks kinda scary coz you'd think it'd bite you, you could actually hold ang hug it! But I didn't try coz it was smelly - ick. Here's Bearcat

What the real highlight of the shoot was when we asked the TV host to hold a baby crocodile and a red cobra. Thing is, she's afraid of reptiles and was totally shaking. But I knew that we needed footage of her holding these reptiles.

So with the croc I first asked here to poke it, then pet it and then I finally just told her to hold and carry it. Here's a look at how scared she was

Of course, it wasn't as simple as that! The whole time she was freaking out and refusing to do what I asked. But I just kept telling her to do it...

Kind of the same thing with the red cobra, but she was more scared. Take 2 on the scared look But she quickly got over that and here's the two of us

We then moved on to the eagles that could be petted and fed. Take a look at this:

that eagle was heavy! When it landed on my right arm I had to support it with my other hand!

Cathy then fed the only elephant at the zoo, Molly. It was funny coz whenever Molly would reach for the fruits, spit would come out of her trunk. And she even aimed at our cameraman! I wonder what the footage looks like...

The zoo used to have giraffes but they died coz they couldn't tell the difference between plastic and vegetables. So the plastic blocked their stomachs and within 2 or 3 hours the trainers found them dead. That's why people should be careful with their trash in zoos, or anywhere in the wild for that matter.

Our last challenge for Cathy was to feed the tigers. The zoo got the tigers when a foreigner left the country evading arrest. And since he didn't know how to take care of them, the tigers were inbreeding. The result was that the diseases that were in the animals became prominent. Some of the tigers were euthanized while the others were put under the care of the Manila Zoo. A friend took a great shot

The last animal that we had a photo op with was a pot belly pig! haha and guess what it's name is? BERNADETTE!!! Here's my twin take note of the metallic pink nail polish. Mas kikay pa siya kaysa sa akin!!!

That was a great shoot day! It's always fun working with Cathy, coz even if she's scared she'll still do whatever is asked of her.

My last pic has nothing to do with animals, but I love the title Rica gave it
"tan since bora, white since birth" ;-)

Kilig Moments

2005-03-22T21:52:00.000+08:00

I asked a friend what’s the translation of “kilig” to English. We couldn’t figure out a direct translation, but it has everything to do with romance. How your body reacts to romance – the butterflies in the stomach, goosebumps, the way your heart beats faster, breaking out into a nervous sweat, uncontrollable giggling, blushing, that big, goofy grin that you can’t wipe off your face, and the list goes on.

A couple of months back I was asked what were my kilig moments. I couldn’t think of one. But now that I had a kilig moment earlier today, it seems weird that I couldn’t remember those times. I mean those are things that I can look back on and be happy about!

So what was my kilig moment? It was via a text message. A guy (I haven’t even met, mind you) complemented me and was poking fun at me. And it actually made me feel good.

I was on the MRT on the way to work. And while I was reading the text messages I had to cover my face so I wouldn’t look like a total idiot. Coz I know I was blushing and was smiling. GOD I got to the office with a big smile on my face!

It was different to feel this way, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. A little thing that totally made my day.

bakasyon

2005-03-22T21:23:00.000+08:00

It's Holy Week and that means that from Holy Wednesday til Easter Sunday I will be on vacation! And this is a religious holiday but I'm off to Boracay where I will be partying every night. Haaaayyyy, it will be so much fun!

This is the third straight year that I’m spending Holy Week in Boracay. And I’m still excited to get there. My mission is to relax and get a really dark tan. Haay…

Fag Hag

2005-03-13T19:12:00.000+08:00

I'm a fag hag.

I was once asked how come I don't have a boyfriend. My reply,"Because I have gay friends who love me!"

And I'm sorry, it is so much easier to relate to gay men...a friend said,"It's coz we don't look at you as competition." True, true.

I don't get to meet straight men coz I hang out at gay bars. And my friends are gorgeous. So whenever I'm out I'm surrounded by good looking men. Girlfriends always say that my friends are cute. "Sorry dear they're gay!"

I find it easier to relate to them. I can be as frank I want to be, say anything that's on my mind. And I don't have to worry about offending them. And if I do offend them, they tell me right off the bat.

Anyway here's an article on being a fag hag:

ON BEING A FAG HAG
by Margaret Cho

I am fortunate enough to have been a fag hag for mostof my life. A fag hag is a woman who prefers the company of gay men. The marriage of two derogatoryterms, fag and hag, symbolizing the union of the world's most popular objects of scorn--homosexual and woman--creates a moniker that most of those who wear it find inoffensive, possibly because it smacks of solidarity.

Some women have come to me urgently expressing their desire for a new name. Countless fruit flies, queen magnets, and even a swish dish or two have begged me to reconsider the title of such an important entity.While no woman wants to be thought of as a "hag," you must acknowledge that the gay man in your life is not concerned with your youth and beauty. He wants to know your soul. He loves you for your courage and intellect. Whether you are lovely or plain, you are eautiful to him for these qualities -- and many more.

Similarly, most of the homosexuals I know bristle at the word "fag." It conjures up images of awkward, limp-wristed adolescence, of the taunts and catcalls of bullying jocks who are insecure in their own sexuality, all too willing to lash out to mask their fear.

But when you put these two words together, they seem to cancel each other out. The pain vanishes, and as you know, bees without sting offer only pure honey.

As a teenager, I found myself drawn to the slight,sensitive young men in my theater group, perhaps because they reminded me distantly of my beloved Forbes and Dante. High school was a dangerous place, and my search for sanctuary led me to gay men once again, even if they didn't yet know their own sexual identities. Or maybe they did know and just weren't telling. The only thing that mattered was that we found each other. If you are a gay man, think back on the girl you took to the prom. She was your first faghag.

I was a loud, fat girl, and saw as my natural companion the fey, lithe boy. We were both scared. Thank God we met.

Growing up, getting older, shedding baby fat for womanly curves, my fag, Berry, watched me burst forth from my fleshy cocoon, and I was suddenly seen by the world as the butterfly he always knew me to be.

I heard his voice get deeper, saw his long limbs become corded with lean muscle. His lips, once hesitant and shy, blossomed sweetly, confident andready. When we walked down Castro Street together, longing looks would be cast his way, and I saw he was beginning to return them.

We never went home with anyone back in those babydays. We just stayed with each other, watched JohnWaters movies late into the night, daydreamed while listening to Roxy Music's "Avalon," cut each other's bangs and talked about Madonna and what we'd do when we left school and all the bullshit behind.

Berry cried in my arms after he told his family he was gay, and he let me throw things and break them when I was rejected by my first boyfriend because his friends thought I was too fat.

We sneaked into the gay hustler bars on Polk Streetand laughed as the chickens and the chicken hawks cruised each other and ignored us. We dressed eachother up and took pictures. When we both got lovers,we weren't jealous. We grew up, but we didn't grow apart. When Berry was gay-bashed on Market Street, greeting me the next morning with a black eye and a smile on his face, he tried to make the best of it, dismissing the whole thing as, "Truly funny, if you really think about it," but I knew that it hurt him more than he could say.

When my parents told me they hated me because I was a failure at everything, Berry baked me a cake, made me a mixed tape and loved me madly.

Berry and I dressed more and more alike as we got older. We told everyone we were brother and sister, but it is almost as if we were closer than that.

We both tended to pick boyfriends who cared little about us, which makes me glad that we had each otherto love.

We are friends even now, in what seems like a lifetime later. We grew together, grew apart, then together again. We still love to make dinner together and talk about the days when everything was new and life was so exciting because it was just beginning.

If this relationship sounds familiar to you, it is very likely that you are a fag hag. We are from all walks of life, all classes, all ages, all races; straight, lesbian and somewhere in between. We are as diverse as we are numerous. The common bond that we share is our alliance with gay men, a connection that is both nurturing and powerful, sweet and sour, retail and wholesale.

Although our fag hag experiences vary greatly, there are generalizations that can be made. Fag hags usually make all the plans and see that they are carried out in a manner that pleases both the fag and the hag equally. This is because most of us have a knack at organizing and mobilizing. We are leaders and keep our troops in line.

Fag hags like to be the center of attention. It is ironic that at a gathering of men, coming together for the sole purpose of meeting one other, they will all spend the better part of their evening hanging on the only woman's every word.

Unfortunately, this situation does not last. By the end of the party, a fag hag often finds herself alone in the room, in the midst of the overflowing ashtrays and half-finished drinks, deserted by all her admirers-- who have paired off to admire each other. This brings us to the next fag hag rule of thumb: We always drive ourselves to events, and for the most part, we enjoy going home alone. I suppose it could be looked at as a depressing end to an evening, but I find it joyous. I love to sleep in bed alone, tossing my body in slumber every way I can, waking up without having to kiss some sour mouth or awkwardly realizing I have no idea whom that sour mouth belongs to.

I can carry on with plans I made for brunch without having to consult or bring along the "trick." I don't have to gauge his expression to see whether our drunken episode resulted in a fight and try to gauge his mood. I don't have to dress quietly and duck out the back door or learn a new language. Tricks are always much more trouble than they are worth. That is why, every Halloween, when I am asked "Trick orTreat," I always err on the side of chocolate. Yes, it's true. I do live in paradise.

Fag hags, contrary to the wisdom of popular culture, are not "beards." The term "beards" refers to the complicit relationships between some women and gaymen, wherein they pretend, for the "benefit" of family and sometimes employers, that they are a conventional straight couple. This is so that they might enjoy the"status" of being "normal" heterosexuals.

I find this a violation, a travesty and an aberrationof the fag hag/fag relationship. However, I do not wish to judge those who find themselves in the kind of predicament that requires such a facade. It is not their fault, but the fault of the ignorance of those around them. In my world, honesty rules above all and the truth helps everyone. So have a beard if you must, but I would prefer that you be clean-shaven.

We fag hags love drama and are skilled thespians on the stage of life. We also crave scandal and gossip. Be warned, we don't keep secrets, we harvest them. Of course, we do know when and where loyalty is required, and in these cases, we are true to our beloved. Bitchiness is always appreciated, and insulting others behind their back is a favorite pastime. This is a way for us to repay the world for the way we are treated. Women and gay men have long been considered second-class citizens by the dominant culture. How do we keep our strength? By talking shit about those who think they can oppress us. Here with one caveat given me by a particularly elegant and flamboyant gentleman:"Fight fire with flame!" Do not underestimate the power of our wagging tongues. Cross us and you will get burned, not licked.

Most of us like to shop and love to be taken to lunch at a restaurant in a department store. Not the foodcourt, mind you. We are still ladies, regardless of how we behave at times.

I still lobby for a "Fag Hag Day," when we might be shown the gratitude we deserve en masse. We are important. We are the backbone of the gay community and, as such, should be honored! Consider that there are holidays as innocuous as "Secretary's Day" -- with special greeting cards to celebrate them. What might a"Fag Hag Day" card look like? Possibly a photograph of a winsome young man in an evening gown, with a darling bit of verse at the bottom:

"You have stuck by me now and then,
Even though you know I like men.
We are so close, my sweet fag hag,
Sometimes I think you are me in drag!”

Gentle reader, if you wish to join us, I bid you"Welcome" with open arms and an arched eyebrow. Let it be known, however, that this is certainly a profession that chooses you. Many of us did not plan to become fag hags, we just looked around one day and realized that was what we were. Others aspired to greatness, and then greatness materialized around them in the form of a group of cute advertising executives spending Labor Day Weekend on Fire Island.

The fastest way to become a fag hag, if you are so inclined, is to get a job as a makeup artist, but this is not practical or realistic for most. (I do not offer the perfect solutions, only the ones I know work.) Another is to become a grand dame of the stage and screen. For myself, this route has been most rewarding. This way, I can "hag" as many "fags" as I like, and bring to the world this kind of love story that is so common, yet so often overlooked. Whatever road you take, when you get there, be good to the men in your life and let them take care of you. Know that what you have is precious and holy.Remember, regardless of sexual orientation, men andwomen will always need each other.

So if you've nothing nice to say, go sit next to thecutest, most elegantly dressed and well-mannered guy at the party. He will appreciate it, I promise. :-)

tired

2005-03-13T18:43:00.000+08:00

A friend recently asked me if I'm happy. I asked in what way, coz generally I am happy. I have great friends and I love my work. But then again my family life and love life sucks. So yes, generally, I'm happy.

But I think I'm getting burned out with work. Coz I love going to location shoots but recently I've been passing up the chance. I'd rather stay out late with my friends dancing and drinking and having a good time. In other words, slacking off.

Though I must say that work is easier to handle now. Compared when I started last October, it was a new job so I expected it to be hard. But then the guy that i shared responsibilities with resigned! So I was left alone to handle the work of two! And because I could handle the workload, they never looked for a replacement! So I was so tired and harassed! I loved the work but I was just getting by.

Then during the Christmas holidays my good friend came back from studying in New York, and she asked me to go with her to Boracay. I couldn't help but say yes! Coz Boracay is like a sanctuary to me.

That trip was different because I was really able to relax. We would have drinks at night, but just enough to give us a buzz. Then we would wake up early, have a good breakfast and walk around. Usually I would get really drunk and then wake up in the afternoon to get ready for another night of boozing.

It was a welcome change! I got back to Manila blisfully tan and refreshed.

That was two months ago...Now I'm skipping some shoots. But I'm glad I am, coz at least now I know I really need a break!

And since Holy Week is just around the corner, I'm off to Boracay again! Yehey! I wasn't suppose to go, but two of my friends have to go there to monitor some of the events. So I'm tagging along.

And I've sworn that this trip I will go to sleep at a reasonable hour so I can enjoy the Boracay sun and get a great tan. We'll see if I can keep my word!

a telenobela

2004-11-03T00:47:00.000+08:00

i'm from the philippines. for the past 2 years or so there's been a social phenomenon here when it comes to television - the telenobela. it started as mexican soap operas dubbed in filipino. the most popular was Marimar, the lead actress was Thalia. yes, the Thalia that is now a singer in the US.

the tv networks saw how viewers were getting hooked on the twist and turns of the fictional characters lives. and they started to make their own versions. because of their popularity, i decided to give it a chance and watch a couple of episodes. and i got hooked.

simple translation: telenobela = soap opera

somehow watching the drama of other people's lives is intriguing. it makes you thankful that it's not your own. but at the same time you envy them, in a way i can't explain.

well ever since i can remember my life has been full of drama. i started to call my life a "telenobela life" when i graduated from university. it was only then that one by one, month by month there would be something that would happen. happy, sad, annoying, enjoyable, anything. and for the past two years it's been this way for me.

at the moment i'm sick of it! i'd like a simple life wherein i go to work, go out with friends, and basically live a normal life. but, alas, that is wishful thinking.

hmm...where should i start? love life? family? friends? GOD! there's drama in every one of those topics.

i'll think about it...