life

Today I found out that a friend of mine is getting married in two weeks. I was surprised coz I knew that she and her boyfriend had plans of getting married this year, but that it wasn't likely that it would push through. It turns out that she's pregnant! Four months pregnant. And she wouldn't have known if her doctor hadn't told her. Thank God for doctors!

A couple of weeks back a friend was problematic coz she was pregnant. The guy that got her pregnant was a coward who couldn't handle the responsibility. Plus he broke up with her and ran back to his ex. And if her parents found out about her pregnancy, they would disown her and kick her out. She was really worried when she talked to me. Because of all the stress she was under, she had been bleeding for a couple of days. Her doctor told her that it was likely that she would miscarry.

I looked at her situation and told her that it was obvious that she couldn't keep the baby. Sticking to the pregnancy would bring her heartbreak and problems. Imagine having to raise a child without support from your family or the father and without any money. What would happen to her? I know it sounds selfish, but truthfully, if I was in her situation I'd opt for an abortion.

But because she had been bleeding for a while she miscarried. She was in pain for a whole day and couldn't take pain killers (coz it might affect the fetus.) Her doctor gave her a prescription but while waiting she just had this rush of blood surge out of her. After that the doctor said to go ahead and take pain killers. Later that night she had to pee and out came a clump. Just like that she lost the baby.

Now she seems okay, smiling and talkative but she's lost a lot of weight. And I wonder how affected she is by the whole experience.

After graduation I was trying to keep in touch with friends. But there was this one girl that didn't have the time to meet with me. I would wonder why then just let her be, coz why push her if she can't. Turns out that she was pregnant and didn't want to tell me about it. I have yet to meet her daughter but now she is so proud of her baby girl. Sad thing is she can't stand the father now. And is often upset with his mother for various reasons.

During college I had a friend that got pregnant. The guy that got her pregnant turned out to be gay and isn't much of a father figure. Good thing she had the support of her family. She too is a proud mom, always sharing stories of how smart her son is.

Of course I have friends that got married when they found out they were pregnant. But now they're separated, usually the guys turn out to be absentee fathers. Or else the girls can't stand the family of the guy.

Another friend is seven months pregnant. I saw her recently and she looked so radiant and happy to be pregnant. I would look at her and all I could think was that this is what a person who is content looks like. When she and her husband announced that they were pregnant, we were all so happy for them. I got teary eyed and even now remembering I still get teary eyed. For them it was right that she was pregnant coz they finally had a reason to get married. And they have a good relationship, they understand each other.

I on the other hand can't imagine having a kid. As I mentioned earlier, if I was faced with an unhappy pregnancy that would result in problems, I'd consider having an abortion. Fending for myself is hard enough. Having to worry about a kid and how I would raise it is too big a responsiblity. Most of the time I don't think I could ever have a kid. I think I'd put too much pressure on myself, that my kid would have to be successful in every way.

I've been telling my friends that life is mundane. But this is because we would be talking about love and romance. In that regard we should think that life is simple coz relationships aren't what the media makes it out to be! (Pavlov's Love!) But I take a look at these friends that have been/are pregnant, look at their stories, and life isn't mundane. In one way or another it is a telenobela...

Pavlov's Love

Ever heard of Pavlov? He's a scientist that did experiments with dogs concerning conditioning. He'd put food in front of a dog and ring a bell, and the dog seeing the food would salivate. Eventually when he'd ring the bell the dog would automatically start drooling. I've actually put this to the test. Coz whenever our dogs at home would hear the clang of metal (i.e. pots on the stove) they would start barking and whining for food.

I was talking to a friend the other night and the topic was unrequited love. I don't know why but I suddenly thought of Pavlov and love. So why Pavlov's Love? Because I think that we humans are conditioned to think that if we don't have a great romance, with all the drama and flowers, we are failures in the love department.

What conditions us are the romantic comedies or movies with love as its central theme and romance novels that we read or watch. A year ago my thinking about love was connected to romance novels. That girls who read those novels by Johanna Lindsey or Judith McNaught, are waiting for their knight in shining armor to whisk them off their feet. Now I've raised the bar and included movies. Films like My Best Friends Wedding or 50 1st Dates, which are 2 of my favorites by the way.

I remember when I was in high school or was maybe it was 6th grade, my mom found me reading one of my sister's Harlequin books. She got mad, took the book from and forbade me to ever read love stories. To me it seemed coz those stories had sex scenes in it. But now, with Pavlov's Love in mind, I think it's coz she didn't want me to view love and relationships in the way those books portrayed it. Why couldn't she just tell me that was the reason?! Shouted I don't want you to get a warped view of love?! (But then again I'm totally assuming why she forbade me to read those books! The truth is I don't really know!)

I find it kind of funny that I view relationships this way, coz I'm what, all of 24. And I've been in one long term relationship and less than a handful short term ones. I don't think I can be called a cynic coz I'm looking forward to the day I find myself falling again. I guess I could be called jaded, in a way, not totally.

Once again I found myself talking to my friends of our lack of a love life. We came to another conclusion! Another realization! This time it concerns the kind of guys that we end up liking. A friend from La Salle ends up liking guys that aren't cultured and can't speak good English. Another is attracted to college kids coz when he went to school he was surrounded by older people, so he didn't experience college with those his age. And yet another friend is attracted to those with stability coz throughout college he was surrounded by party people. And I since I was surrounded by those who were responsible students, I'm attracted to party people.

We can analyze all we want. But the fact is we're still waiting. I guess this is better than just whining about NOT having someone. Or is it?!

meeting again

a couple of weeks back i had plans with balikbayan friends, Roge & Reign, to meet at embassy. it was a wednesday so it was hip hop night, perfect for Reign coz she doesn't appreciate house music. i also texted pao coz Roge asked about him.

so i found myself outside the club waiting for Pao and he came out with RJ! whom i haven't seen or actually spent time with in months! i was so happy to see him! then eventually Wanggo got there. and Anne, in her usual fashion, fell asleep on us...but this time she woke up and was finally able to make it around 2am. Another friend of ours, Jeremy was there.

it was a reunion of sorts for us! we've all been busy and haven't been able to see each other. i was so happy, it felt like it was a year ago when we'd always go out and have fun. it was also ironic coz i went out to meet new friends but ended up being with old friends.

i guess this was extra special for me coz these are people i consider my family. there was a time that we'd spend our sundays together, and we'd call it our "family day." it made me feel good that we got the chance to be together. it made me appreciate the bond have with those guys.