Anxiety Attack

Two weeks ago I was faced with a situation that I thought I would never have to live through. And the possibility of what could happen at the event totally shook me. I was crying and shaking and I had to try something so that I could evade someone.

I remember that I would get this sinking feeling in the past and be afraid. But this time it was a hundred times worse. The prospect of being embarassed in front of my friends and other people at the party really scared me.

I felt sad after the party coz it was a chance for me to catch up with friends I hadn't seen in months. But I couldn't stay, I just couldn't.

Affected

It's weird how people can affect you.

If you just see a person, you could be instantly attracted. Even more so if the person looks at you in a way that makes you melt.

Or you could talk to someone and find out that you have tons of things in common. And that you were stupid for not giving that person a chance.

Then again you could be given the chance to talk to someone and get this sinking feeling that you're initial reaction was totally baseless and lustful. ;) haha

I realized that I have never actually been the one to make the first move when it comes to relationships. Sure there are ways to let the guy know that you're attracted. Smiling is one, and since I hardly ever smile that's a sure way to know that I like you!

But I've always waited for the guy to pick up on the vibe I'm giving. And if he does, that's when I put in the effort to talk to him and flirt. But if the guy does realize that I like him but doesn't even talk to me or SOMETHING I just leave it at that. Which can be totally frustrating!!!!

I don't know if it's my pride, but I can't do all the initial work. I have to be encouraged, I guess reassurance that I won't get rejected. Or it could be that I know how guys talk. That it's a big deal if the girl is the one to make the move. It's bragging rights. I don't want to be a topic.

That's one of the reasons why I'm still single. Is this quality of mine a blessing or a curse?

Tricked

I was tricked into doing something I really DIDN'T want to do. But I was told that I had to do it. So off I went. Turns out that I didn't even have to go. I doubt if I was really welcomed. How horrible is that?!

You don't really wanna do something and it's plausible that I wasn't even necessary there...I felt bad that I was duped.

But I let that moment slide. Why make a fuss about it? If this happened to me before (when I couldn't control my temper, imagine I can actually control myself now!!!!) there would have been a big confrontation. But now I think twice of exerting so much negative energy. I don't need it on top of the stress of my job.

Now I just hope that it won't happen again. Keeping my fingers crossed, but at the same time feeling doubtful. :-(