draining

i had another medical shoot last week, i think that had a big effect on me emotionally.

the first was a 5 year old boy, a burn victim. on new year's eve he was watching kids play with a home made fireworks device. basically a pvc pipe and paint thinner that's lighted, they call it a "kanyon". the paint thinner was in a plastic bag and somehow he got sprayed with it. the thing was he was near a candle so he caught fire.

he was asking for help for a skin grafting procedure and two more operations. of course if he doesn't get it he'll be permanently disfigured. coz if he doesn't have the operations within the year the burned skin will start "eating" the normal skin. i wasn't able to talk to his doctor so i don't understand how that's possible, but that's how his mom explained it.

it's only been 5 months but already his self-confidence and attitude is affected. he hates it when people look at him with pity and try to console him with kind words. and sometimes playing with kids is painful especially when his scars are accidentally touched.

if that wasn't enough i also had a shoot after that, another burn victim. this time the 8 year old girl was burned when their gas lamp fell on her. she had third degree burns and was in the hospital for 8 months. the burned skin and muscle had to be removed from her neck and chest. but while she was healing she had a painful wound on her back so she wouldn't sit up and raise her chin. so now it's as if she doesn't have a neck coz her chin is to her chest. and her lower lips and teeth are being pulled downward.

i saw a picture of the girl before the accident and she was cute. during the shoot there was a little girl there, a playmate of her sister. she wanted to leave the house, but since we were shooting by the door she couldn't get out. so i told her to go ahead and pass but she wouldn't coz she was scared of Ella. that's how bad ella looks, other kids are afraid of her. so i asked one of the crew members to pick up the playmate and carry her out of the house.

that shoot left a heavy feeling...an example of what can be the worst shoot or maybe a taste of more emotional shoots.

frantic

was having lunch with officemates at chowking tomas morato and i noticed the servers...they were walking around with trays full of food and drinks at top speed. it was like they were on something or they were being chased by the devil.

watching them i could feel myself tense up and actually get this feeling of being stressed out. and i was amused by it - to actually be affected by the servers when i'd hardly noticed before.

and then i realized that's why up scale restaurants are much more expensive than fast food ones, you're paying for the calm ambiance. so that you can enjoy your food in a relaxed environment.

wala lang...share ko lang yung thoughts ko! yun lang!

orange

i tried one of those online personality tests about what color i am. so read on...

Orange

You're a bold, confident orange. A warm, powerful color that indicates a strong, welcoming personality, orange is the mark of people who are social and extroverted by nature. Vibrant, with an upbeat attitude, you have a bright, inviting demeanor. Energetic and fun-loving, you're a real friend-magnet. Your easy charm and unassuming manner make you the sort of person people want to meet and get to know better. Well-rounded and fun to be around, you enjoy helping others, so it's no surprise that orange also symbolizes attraction. Orange is an extraordinary color — for an extraordinary person.

i wonder how these tests are made...

hindi pwede

i'm a staunch believer that your ex can never be your friend. it's just too complicated! having to deal with your feelings and the memories and everything!

and if you guys are ok enough to be friends what's going to stop you from getting back together? wait a minute. let me rephrase - you can be friends with an ex if you want to get back together with him.

but what if you need the guy for something? a sounding board, money, sex, a ride? ok, you can be friends with an ex if only to USE him. hehe

for me the thing to moving on and getting on with your life is to be free of his clutches. it's enough that your memories torture you, but getting a text or whatnot from him? ay grabe!

i have a friend who is still close to her ex. i'll get up the nerve to ask her if she has actually moved on...

hmmm

ewan ko...was thinking of the saying "you can't have it all"

coz i like the way my job is going. i'm learning a lot and i love that i'm doing production work and i'm able to help people. but i have yet to see my first pay check! it's been almost 2 months since my last. i had to think of who owed me what and ask them to pay up. been living on a shoestring budget these past two weeks.

but my relationships with people are kinda iffy. the status quo on the lack of a love life remains - nada :-) but with friends...hmm? some are coming back, some are waning, i was reminded on the non existence of past friendships. and now i'm finding myself becoming increasingly inis with my mom. with regard to her i should really limit my exposure to her. it's like the sun, too much is lethal.

i'm doing good, but not great. i wonder when i can say things are going great. as in! but i don't i'll be able to say that my life is great in its entirety, maybe certain aspects. too many factors...

mutation

wala lang...i was thinking...humor me :-)

i noticed that there are a lot of gay men here in manila...

well anyway, i was thinking what if sexuality in people was like in those of (in some) frogs that when there's a shortage of one sex some of them mutate into a male/female so that they can reproduce. so if there are a lot of females, some would mutate into males and they'd get it on and make tadpoles.

so in turn that's why there are so many gay men here in manila coz there are too many guys. so as to even things out, in terms of population.

but then again duh. there really are a lot more girls than boys here in the philippines in general. and gay men are born that way, not made. they just have to discover that they love other guys! (though of course it isn't as simple as that.)

i guess i'm just commenting on the shortage of men that i'd be willing to get into a relationship with, though of course there are guys that i'm attracted to.

but i must say that a lot of gay men are really cute and since gay men in general are vain they have nice bods too. plus they're in touch with their feminine side so they're easy to talk to and they get us women!

while straight guys (my age) are starting to get fat! and of course the mind games that they play. but don't get me wrong, some women are getting fat and actually like those mind games.

hmm, looks like this entry is about me and that i'm single. and i'm a fag hag. that's why it seems like there are a lot of gay men, they're the only ones i socialize with. and i'm not "lapitin ng lalake" meaning guys may look but they don't have the balls to come up to me. but there are some, just that i'm NOT interested. oh well!

as i said in the beginning, humor me...